Schindler's List

Bomb Rating: 

Mr. Cranky Guest Reviewer: Hutton Gibson (Mel Gibson's dad)*

True story my ass.

That's right. My name's Hutton Gibson and I'm telling you right now like I told my son Mel, there was no Holocaust. Oh sure, the Nazis roughed up a couple of bagel merchants, but six million Jews killed? No way. And don't you "sane" people out there in the "real world" start pestering me with your goddamn "historical facts," I KNOW there were six million Jews in Poland before the Nazis got there and only 200,000 when they left, but the Jews weren't killed -- they were just hiding or something.

And they're still hiding and I'll tell you where: They're hiding in the Hollywood power machine and the multinational banking conglomerates and in the secret spaceport under the U.N. and in the radio transmission towers that beam "Clapper" ads all day every day into my brain. I don't even know what a "Clapper" is, but I think it has something to do with dirty sex. Anyway, my point is that "Schindler's List," the story of some guy named Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson) "saving" a bunch of Jews from being "killed" by the Nazis by having them work in his "factory," is just a big made-up fiction. The Jews made up the whole "Holocaust" story after World War II (tragic end, that), so that the Arabs would be nice to them.

Jews. They haunt me. I don't actually know any, but I think about them a lot.

Don't watch this "Schindler's List" nonsense. Instead, you should go see a true story, like my kid Mel's movie "The Passion of the Christ." God I love that movie. Just when you think you've seen those scheming Jews deliver 40,000 lashes of the whip on Jesus's quivering, bloody, glistening, near-naked body, and think that maybe you've had enough, that's when my kid goes in there for the super slo-mo close up on lash 40,001. SPLAT! Now that's family entertainment.

I especially enjoy all the attention I've been getting from the media (even the Jew-controlled media) since Mel decided to tackle complex theological issues onscreen. I taught that Mel boy right, I did. Good kid. Does what he's told. Never, ever talks back to his Daddy.

*Attention Stupid People: Hutton Gibson didn't actually write this review. It's parody.

To spread the word about this Schindler's List review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Schindler's List Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Average: 4.5 (6 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Has anybody else been following Mel Gibson's recent interviews about "The Passion of the Christ" and quietly sobbing?

  • Isn't it time to give the Nazis a rest?

  • Sometimes a film can come out in relative obscurity, and turn out to be an almost tolerable adventure all the same. Defiance isn't one of those.