Screamers

Bomb Rating: 

You won't know until the bullets start flying whether you're in an action movie or an interminable American diplomacy class.

The beastly gadgets in "Screamers" may be so intelligent that they can make themselves into perfect human androids, but the filmmakers forgot one major detail: Any artificial life form smart enough to turn itself from a kitchen utensil into an android is probably also smart enough to build a space ship and get the hell off its crappy little planet and travel to Earth directly.

Disregarding that major flaw, Peter Weller plays the Commander of a barracks on Some Planet Somewhere where a limitless energy source has been discovered. Naturally, people are fighting over it. Confusing? Well, the filmmakers spend a good half-hour trying to explain the politics of the future and you won't know until the bullets start flying whether you're in an action movie or an interminable American diplomacy class.

Weller plays his army guy so tight that when rebel Jennifer Rubin disrobes in front of him he says "Damn you're beautiful" like he's barking out an order to wash a toilet. At the climactic end, Weller and Rubin, finished watching their companions being eaten by these pesky machines, enter a super, top-secret hiding place, thinking they've killed everything there is to kill and... they leave the door open! Guess what happens.

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