Screwed

Bomb Rating: 

Norm MacDonald's gift to the world is monotone whining.

It didn't take me long to figure out why I felt sick anticipating this film. Does anybody want to see Norm MacDonald in anything? At all? I'd like to see somebody toss him into the gorilla cage at the zoo and see how funny he can be. He screams "actor" with the same conviction with which Richard Simmons screams "straight."

Norm MacDonald's gift to the world is monotone whining, which means that at the end of every sentence he speaks or every joke he tells, he tacks on an extra note that sort of hangs in the air like the sound your refrigerator makes before the fan shuts off.

The two guys who wrote and directed this film are Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski. Their other writing credits include three biopics and three comedies. The three biopics are "Ed Wood," "The People vs. Larry Flynt" and "Man on the Moon." The three comedies are "Problem Child," "Problem Child 2" and "That Darn Cat." This is their fourth comedy. You don't need to be a master of the scientific method to figure out the message for Scott and Larry here: "Stay the hell away from comedy." You guys suck at it. You really suck at it.

"Screwed" isn't funny, makes no sense, and plays like Scott and Larry wrote the screenplay just prior to a stay at the Betty Ford clinic. Norm plays a chauffeur named Willard Fillmore who's mistreated by his employer, Miss Crock (Elaine Stritch). So, he and good buddy Rusty (Dave Chappelle) decide to steal her dog. From there, everything goes wrong. The question, of course, is that if Willard is so miserable at his job, why doesn't he just quit? Naturally, answering such a simple question would require logical thinking, which would require a brain, which is probably too much to ask of anybody involved in this bomb.

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