See Spot Run

Bomb Rating: 

Frankly, I don't know how Tom Hanks managed to continue his career after "Turner and Hooch," since starring with an animal is usually the death knell for any actor's career. It's basically an actor's last attempt to get top billing. Can you say Jim Belushi and "K9"? David Arquette, however, is a special case. He's not really an actor, and he hasn't really had a career, so short of masturbating on a public figure, it would be hard for him to lose much respectability, having had none to begin with.

Now, I fully realize that "Hannibal" has been out several weeks and that it's not a very good film, but more people went to see "See Spot Run" last week than went to see "Hannibal." More people went to see "See Spot Run" than went to see "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." Apparently, if you gave people today the choice between living in a tenement and actually living inside an outhouse, they would choose the outhouse. Does our pathetic society really consist of people so incapable of entertaining themselves they would voluntarily go to see "See Spot Run"?

The dog at the center of this film doesn't even do anything. He just sort of sits there and stares because he's an FBI dog who's not supposed to play with anybody. So, when mailman Gordon (Arquette) and young James (Angus T. Jones) get him, he doesn't do anything at all. The dog has essentially run away from his FBI handler (Michael Clarke Duncan) because a mobster (Paul Sorvino) has targeted the dog for termination. Incidentally, Paul Sorvino, have you no shame? I mean, are you a respected actor or a crack whore?

Ironically, there's a fascinating subtext to this film that goes something like this: Women who don't go out with loser guys are bitches who should be humiliated. Gordon ends up with James because James's mother (Leslie Bibb) has to go on a trip. Gordon pines for her but she ignores him because she's professional and Gordon is a disgusting, immature, stupid slob. The film's main form of comic relief then consists of this poor woman undergoing one humiliation after another on her way back home. Of course, once she gets home, she realizes what a great guy Gordon is and how he really deserves to touch her in the warm places.

I imagine most women would rather screw the dog than David Arquette -- except for Courtney Cox, it seems.

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