Shallow Hal

Bomb Rating: 

One minute these guys are tossing semen into women's hair and now they're trying to teach us lessons about the inner beauty of the morbidly obese?

I don't know what the Farrelly brothers were thinking when they made this film, but it's clear they've sold out and abandoned their once-wild ways. The grand hand of public opinion has reached around and tickled their testicles and they've let that big grin wash across their faces. Or maybe the Prozac started to kick in. I mean, holy crap, one minute these guys are tossing semen into women's hair and now they're trying to teach us lessons about the inner beauty of the morbidly obese?

This movie elicits more forced laughter than a Ronald Reagan birthday party. Tony Robbins meets Hal (Jack Black) in an elevator and hypnotizes him so that he only sees people's inner beauty, which means that all the fat, ugly women in the world look like supermodels to him and all the supermodels look like heroin addicts -- as if reversed stereotypes were any less offensive than regular ones.

Hal meets Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow) and sees a thin, beautiful woman instead of the obese pig she really is. Hal sees a thin, hot woman because inside, Rosemary is really beautiful. Hal's shallow friend, Mauricio (Jason Alexander) tries to get Hal to see reality, to no avail. Okay, it's one thing to be chubby; it's quite another to be two hundred pounds overweight, which is the mistake this movie makes in trying to get us to sympathize with obesity. If Rosemary would have been like Minnie Driver in "Circle of Friends," this film might have had a chance. I saw Carnie Wilson railing against this movie. Somebody ask Carnie why she went to all that trouble to be thin if blubber is so great.

Like all Farrelly brothers movies, this one has a handicapped guy, in this case a guy with spina bifida. I hated the guy with spina bifida. He walks on his hands because his legs don't work. Oh, boo hoo. Hal sees him normally, but sees his girlfriend as an old hag, though to everyone else she looks like a hottie. Doesn't that make spina bifida guy shallow too? He only dates hotties, apparently. Either that or he's too stupid to see the beauty on the inside and is opting instead for the big, big breasts. Well, I say screw spina bifida guy. He's shallow and I hate him regardless of his handicap. You see, when I hate someone, I don't just look at the outside of a person; I look at the whole package.

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