She's the One

Bomb Rating: 

Convert to Judaism and sleep with his wife's adopted daughter, and (director Edward) Burns could easily be considered the next Woody Allen.

This is just a brilliant premise for a film: Gooney-looking guy doesn't want to sleep with Jennifer Aniston. Okay, okay, that's only a small part of Edward Burns' sophomore effort, but let's face reality: If Jennifer Aniston were encased in a foot-thick concrete enclosure and you told a group of naked geeks they could drool near her if only they could break her out, they'd chop through the walls with their penises like some porno version of "The Great Escape."

At least Francis (Mike McGlone) has a good reason for not sleeping with Renee -- he's sleeping with Cameron Diaz, who plays Heather, a former hooker and former fiancé of Francis' brother, Mickey (Edward Burns). Mickey is not particularly concerned with Francis, mostly because he doesn't know about his and Heather's trysts, but also because he's found his true love, Hope (Maxine Bahns).

Like Burns' first film, "The Brothers McMullen," "She's the One" consists mostly of idiosyncratic, Irish-Catholic conversation. Convert to Judaism and sleep with his wife's adopted daughter, and Burns could easily be considered the next Woody Allen. If he doesn't sleep with his wife's adopted daughter, Burns will continue to be just another Joe making movies with nifty dialogue.

There's no question that Aniston makes out better than "Friends" cohorts Matt LeBlanc and David Schwimmer, who all but confined themselves to television for the rest of their lives with motion picture debuts that sent several Hollywood executives out office windows. However, Aniston's motion picture accomplishment pivots on a cheesy ploy: vibrator talk. Aniston's character talks about and uses a vibrator during the film, which means we're all supposed to sit up in the theater and go, "Oooh, look, Rachel talk about vibrator." If only Ed would have followed the advice of my 3rd-grade writing teacher: "Show, don't tell."

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