Hollywood can't leave bad enough alone. "Shrek 2" begins during the honeymoon of Shrek (Mike Myers) and Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz), whose amorous adventures come perilously close to introducing the theater's assembled children to the concept of "ogre porn." Tagging along is Donkey (Eddie Murphy), who doesn't seem to grasp the notion of when he's overstayed his welcome, which makes him the perfect mascot for this gratuitous sequel.
Once the honeymoon's over, Fiona drags Shrek back home to meet her parents, the king and queen of Far, Far Away. Being country-club types, Fiona's parents are naturally appalled at whom she's married and how much weight she's gained. King Harold (John Cleese) conspires with the evil Fairy Godmother (Jennifer Saunders) to get rid of Shrek and pair Fiona with the foppish Prince Charming (Rupert Everett). Puss-in-Boots (Antonio Banderas) drops in to do a Zorro impersonation and inspire a new line of Burger King toys.
What's really appalling, however, is that "Far, Far Away" is a thinly-parodied version of Hollywood itself. This is where Hollywood creatives go when they're out of ideas: home. It's the center of their universe. Why shouldn't it be the center of everyone else's? Gag after gag extends from such premises as "What if Shrek got dropped onto Rodeo Drive?" and "What if I saw Shrek at that one Starbucks on Vine. Wouldn't that be great?" At this point, I stood up, turned around, bent over, and slammed the theater seat into my head until I could see the comforting, leading edge of unconsciousness.
Get far, far away from any theater screening "Shrek 2."
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