Bomb Rating: 

Here's what you do if you're a filmmaking idiot:

1. Give your teen film the title of a teen film that's already been made, like the Richard Linklater movie "Slacker," to confuse people needlessly.
2. Get a guy to star in it like Jason Schwartzman, who's already been in a teen angst film (called "Rushmore") to confuse people needlessly.
3. Find a great-looking chick with a male name (James King) to star in the thing so when the target audience (i.e. young guys) look at the credits, they'll think that there are no chicks in the film and become both confused and despondent.

Did I mention that this film shows the fake breasts of a 70-year-old woman? Jason Schwartzman's character gives a sponge bath to a grandmother who has the breasts of a porn star because they're obviously fake -- I can only surmise that they were added in preparation for the day when a part would call for a grandmother to demonstrate that the plastic surgery industry has finally gone too far. I would have been more aroused if the doctors had sewn the decapitated heads of two different zoo animals to this woman's chest.

Schwartzman is "cool" Ethan, the college geek. He discovers the cheating antics of three guys, Dave (Devon Sawa), Jeff (Michael Maronna), and Sam (Jason Segel), in a college physics course. Ethan offers to keep his mouth shut in exchange for the guys using their skills to get him the hottest girl in school, Angela (James King), as if Angela had absolutely no say in the matter. The guys try, but Dave and Angela fall in love, and they must stop Ethan from turning them in and ruining their college careers.

If you take the number of farting and masturbation jokes in this film and divide it by the I.Q. of the director, you actually get a whole number. The pain I felt watching "Slackers" was, at times, on the same level as "I Am Sam." However, the farting and masturbation jokes mediated this to some extent. That these were the film's most accomplished moments speaks to the complete ineptitude of the rest of it.

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