Sliding Doors

Bomb Rating: 

Why is it that every time I watch Gwyenth Paltrow in a movie I have the urge to run out of the theater, into the bathroom, and stick my finger down my throat?

In this film she plays a Brit named Helen who has trouble - you guessed it - expressing her feelings (and asserting herself). So the film asks how Helen's life would be different if an event caused her to become more assertive. After she's fired from her job, Helen misses her train and the film becomes two films: one where Helen misses the train and one where she catches it. Obviously this immediately screams "faulty scenario" since nobody would believe Gwyenth Paltrow couldn't squeeze that toothpick body of hers through just about anything, least of all the closing doors of the Underground.

Ignoring that glaring weakness for a moment, catching the train allows Helen to meet a nice guy, James (John Hannah), and catch her boyfriend, Gerry (John Lynch), rogering Lydia (Jeanne Tripplehorn). Missing the train allows Gerry and Lydia enough time to clean up and get out.

The idea that anything could happen to the British to make them more assertive is pure fantasy and explains Paltrow's casting. How do you make a Brit more assertive? You make her American. Dream on, wankers.

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