Slumdog Millionaire

Bomb Rating: 

Incidentally, while 20 million rupees may seem like a lot, I'm told it will get you no more than a Venti latte at a Starbucks.

Here's a plot for a movie: young boy falls in love with young girl (incidentally, what happened to the days when young boys thought young girls had cooties?). Young boy pursues young girl through adolescence but they get separated. Young man grows up and longs for young woman who he knows is out there, somewhere, just waiting for him. He search and searches and finally locates her. He prepares. It's been so many years and his yearning is welling up inside of him like an orgasm of inconceivable power. Finally, the day comes, he travels to the girl's home. He knocks on her door. She answers. And she's so butt ugly now that the young man vomits all over his shoes. Then he runs over to the nearest secluded bush and jacks off before he loses his memory of the gorgeous, beauty queen with whom he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life.

Danny ("Trainspotting") Boyle's "Slumdog Millionaire" follows this genius idea, more or less, except that the girl does turn into the beauty queen, which is the way it happens in every film of this ilk. And not only does Jamal (Dev Patel) reconnect with Latika (Freida Pinto), but does so after winning 20 million rupees on India's version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" where every question is something Jamal knows the answer to because it was an event in his life. Sadly, if that were true for me, my final question for the big bucks would be "How many times can you ejaculate on a picture of Farah Fawcett before the magazine page disintegrates?"

If it weren't improbable enough that Latika maintains her girlish figure and appearance after being pimped out and sold to a local mafia type, Jamal also manages to reconnect with her throughout the film. In the city where the story takes place, Mumbai, there are only 19 million people or so, so the fact that he seems to run into her like he's running around in circles in a mobile home is about par for the course. Incidentally, while 20 million rupees may seem like a lot, I'm told it will get you no more than a Venti latte at a Starbucks.

Another matter of annoyance is Jamal's brother, Salim (Madhur Mittal), who loves his brother in that complicated movie way where it becomes obvious that Salim is going to fuck him over just enough to keep the plot moving and love him just enough to convince Jamal that there might be hope for him. Then there's the cop (Anil Kapoor), who listens to Jamal's story. One minute he's electrocuting the kid and the next minute he's listening to the kid's story and asking questions like it's an episode of "Sesame Street".

"Slumdog Millionaire" is the feel-good hit of the year if you're suffering from dysentery because the two hours gives you a chance to fill up on a lot of shit.
 

To spread the word about this Slumdog Millionaire review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
18 Comments

Like This Slumdog Millionaire Review? Vote it Up.

3

Rate This Movie:

Average: 3.5 (6 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • The thing that really pissed me off about "Finding Forrester" was that it took me a while to realize what film it was reminding me of -- which should have been utterly obvious.

  • Whether it's in a horror film or a teenage sex comedy, one of the more repulsive continuing trends in Hollywood is the development and release of PG-13 movies that should clearly be rated R.

  • After Martin Landau tried to put most of America to sleep with his Oscar speech for "Ed Wood" in 1995, somebody's light-bulb-for-a-brain went off in Hollywood and t

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE.

jdh's picture

THANK GOD YOU SAID IT AND ALSO THAT EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE WHERE ONCE HE ESCAPES FROM FAGIN AND EVERY EXPERIENCE ALLOWS HIM TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ON THE RUPEE SHOW.

You all had better

RidingFool's picture

be able to read if you see this dog.

Subtitles rule.

WTF?

Rajah's picture

A movie with subtitles won the Oscars?

The first Best Picture Oscar winner had titles

FearlessFreep's picture

Of course, it was silent.

 

They should have just dubbed it

Rajah's picture

Like What's Up Tiger Lilly

But you don't have to be able to read

Coaster's picture

to see The Reader.

Oh, the irony.

Mr. Cranky is right: Starbucks does suck

Coaster's picture
The Cranky One wrote:

Incidentally, while 20 million rupees may seem like a lot, I'm told it will get you no more than a Venti latte at a Starbucks.

Twenty-Million Rupees is about $400,000. Kind of makes you wonder how much they want for a fucking brownie.

*sigh* I need new

daz's picture

*sigh* I need new glasses.

 

Coaster, I had to squint to see your avatar right. Those pufs of hair on the right, that bow tie, I though that guy was hanging in a noose, which I gather is how your wife wins every argument.

Let's see, a

Pr0cession's picture

Let's see, a saccharine-syrupy Bollywood regurgitation of threadbare-thin movie themes? No thanks, I think I'd rather watch The Dark Knight -- the REAL Best Picture -- again.

Saccharine-syrupy is what sells

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

People want to go to the theater to forget their troubles.  Hollywood is actually making more money during this recession.

{;-) Dan in Miami

Mr. Cranky Please!

Misha's picture

I'd love to hear your opinions of the two "Zeitgeist" movies.
You can watch them for free on Google videos.

Well worth checking out!!!!

Anil Kappor

deirdre's picture

Anil Kapoor plays the host of Indian 'Millionaire' and not the policeman. Other than that pretty much bang on review.

I agree it's all improbable - damn near impossible if you ask me. Sorry, but I have to come to the conclusion it's all some kind of ... fiction, or something.

Dumb review

Anonymous's picture

I think this review makes no sense
the movie is amazing
this movie is so much more meaning then just
the who wants to be a millionare point of view
ok so the plot was typical
but the movie was so much more unique then given credit for
so i think this review is 100% wrong
and maybe you need to go watch the movie one more time
cause obviously you did not get the whole point

Finally, a game show Coaster can really get into

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

ISTANBUL (Reuters) – What happens when you put a Muslim imam, a Christian priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk in a room with 10 atheists?

Turkish television station Kanal T hopes the answer is a ratings success as it prepares to launch a gameshow where spiritual guides from the four faiths will seek to convert a group of non-believers.

The prize for converts will be a pilgrimage to a holy site of their chosen religion -- Mecca for Muslims, the Vatican for Christians, Jerusalem for Jews and Tibet for Buddhists.

But religious authorities in Muslim but secular Turkey are not amused by the twist on the popular reality game show format and the Religious Affairs Directorate is refusing to provide an imam for the show.

"Doing something like this for the sake of ratings is disrespectful to all religions. Religion should not be a subject for entertainment programs," High Board of Religious Affairs Chairman Hamza Aktan told state news agency Anatolian after news of the planned program emerged.

The makers of "Penitents Compete" are unrepentant and reject claims that the show, scheduled to begin broadcasting in September, will cheapen religion.

"We are giving the biggest prize in the world, the gift of belief in God," Kanal T chief executive Seyhan Soylu told Reuters.

"We don't approve of anyone being an atheist. God is great and it doesn't matter which religion you believe in. The important thing is to believe," Soylu said.

The project focuses attention on the issue of religious identity in European Union-candidate Turkey, where rights groups have raised concerns over freedom of religion for non-Muslim minorities.

Detractors of the ruling AK Party government, which is rooted in political Islam but officially secular, accuse it of having a hidden Islamist agenda, a charge it denies.

Some 200 people have so far applied to take part in the show and the 10 contestants will be chosen next month.

A team of theologians will ensure that the atheists are truly non-believers and are not just seeking fame or a free holiday.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_gameshow_odd

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  How could they leave out the Pastafarians?

 

 

Ironic ending perhaps?

Coaster's picture

The winner goes to Mecca.  Once there, the Muslims decide he is not really yet a Muslim and  decapitate him for desecrating their holy shrine with his unworthy presence. 

Film at 11. 

If I "save" Coaster

Rajah's picture

Do I get a prize?

BTW as a renowned critic,

avi's picture

BTW as a renowned critic, its disappointing that you dont have the right facts. The cop in SDM is not Anil Kapoor, but Irfan Khan. Anil Kapoor is the TV host.

Well yeah, sure.

Coaster's picture

If you want to get all anil about it.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.