"Look at me, I'm Quentin Tarantino on crack!"
Okay, I got the whole Guy Ritchie thing the first time, when I saw Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels:"Look at me, I'm Quentin Tarantino on crack!" The irony of this is that apparently Ritchie didn't get it, and he's the one who made the damn movie. I say this in all seriousness because he's gone and basically made the same movie over again.
I don't care what you may think of Ritchie's style or his flair for direction (if that's what you want to call it), but there's nothing memorable about his films. They're like chewing on sugar: it may provide instant gratification, but after that brief moment your mouth goes back to bland and you have a headache. Who remembers anything about "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels",l anyway? Jesus, I can barely remember that title.
Why, exactly, are we supposed to give a damn about any of these characters? The whole thing sort of revolves around this huge diamond, which is originally snatched by Franky Four Fingers (Benicio Del Toro). This sends Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina) to London from New York, but by the time he gets there, someone else has the diamond. While people are coming into and out of possession of this rock, there's a subplot involving a fixed boxing match, which is where the narrator comes into it. His name is Turkish (Jason Stratham) and he's got a cohort in Tommy (Stephen Graham). They're pulled into this boxing thing by this thug whose name I can't remember because there are just too many characters. I do remember, however, that Turkish and Tommy get Mickey (Brad Pitt), an Irish gypsy who's nearly incomprehensible, to fight for them.
Just how many characters is enough? Most movies usually only follow a couple for the simple reason that the more characters, the harder it is to divine any one story. And the thinner the story, the thinner the overall cohesion of the film.To top it all off, Ritchie doesn't have a character in this entire movie that even Mother Theresa would give two turds about. To top it all off, this film is already in the top 250 in IMDB's all-time film poll. That's all-time. That just shows you how stupid people who like Ritchie's films are.
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