Snow Day

Bomb Rating: 

The first scene in this film is Chevy Chase doing a weather report. Now, I don't want to burst anybody's bubble over at Nickelodeon, but if you want to give anybody the impression you're making a quality product, the first thing you show people does not include Chevy Chase doing anything. If you want to give people the impression you're making a funny movie, it doesn't include Chevy Chase. In fact, unless you want to put that look on people's faces that Princess Diana got the first time Prince Charles waggled his John Thomas in front of her, you don't put Chevy Chase in your movie at all.

It's not clear how people get to make movies of this nature unless studio executives are really impressed by pitches like: "It snows and stuff happens." Of course, the executives over at Nickelodeon could all be ten years old. More likely, they just have the mentality of ten-year-olds. Adults with the mentality of ten-year-olds don't actually think like ten-year-olds, they just think they do, which is a problem nobody in Hollywood seems to have solved.

Chase plays a weatherman. His wife (Jean Smart) is one of those pesky modern women who's had the gall to go out and get a job to support her family. Naturally, director Chris Koch drives this crime home by focusing on the joy she finally gets out of spending time with her youngest son. The snow day allows 15-year-old Hal (Mark Webber) to chase the girl of his dreams while his sister (Zena Grey) attempts to defeat the feared Snowplowman (Chris Elliott). It's thrilling plotting, really.

Hal's dream girl is a buxom teen goddess named Claire (Emmanuelle Chriqui). Claire is the kind of girl who walks around in a tank top and no bra in full view of an open window, and Chris Koch is the kind of director who makes sure it's cold that day and his zoom lens is working. Given the see-through quality of the tank top, had director Chris Koch moved in any closer, he'd have been facing some child pornography charges. Where do you find 15-year-olds built like that, anyway? I mean, if you were at a distance and this girl were lying on her back, you'd think a couple of WWI Germans were about to evacuate a bunker. And had they been watching this film in there, they just might have.

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