Someone Like You

Bomb Rating: 

Apparently nobody will work with Ashley Judd because she's such a big pain in the ass, which explains why the men in this movie are such second-rate actors. Greg Kinnear and Hugh Jackman? Give me a break. I guess they were the only ones willing to tolerate being Ashley's bitches for the duration of the shoot.

Why is it that they even bother making this kind of romantic crap anyway? The very genre is limited by the number of people in the film. Let's see: How many possible men can television talent coordinator Jane Goodale (Judd) end up with? Well, there are only two in the cast, and consequently, in the story: producer Ray Brown (Kinnear) and fellow staffer Eddie (Jackman). Since things between Jane and Ray go south within the first half hour of the film, it's completely frickin' obvious she's going to end up with Eddie because there's nobody left. I suppose she could have come out of the closet and hooked up with her boss, talk show host Diane (Ellen Barkin). Certainly, that would have made the title more apt. Diane is a lot more like Jane. Neither has a penis.

The first major mistake Jane makes is that she goes out with a man who tells her -- I said tells her -- that he already has a girlfriend. I don't know if women are up on this sort of thing, but that's called cheating. That means that Ray is a cheater. The "cheater" tag is totally independent of the fact that he may or may not be in love with Jane. He's still a cheater. Since Jane knowingly goes out with a cheater, this tags Jane as an "idiot".

Actually, this movie isn't about who ends up with whom. It's about why people act the way they do. In Hollywood movies, the answer to this question is always the same: because they're stupid. You'd think directors like Tony ("Walk on the Moon") Goldwyn would consider this before adding another film to the heap. Do you make a movie about a guy who drinks a twelve pack, runs into the field, tries to sodomize a bull, and then gets gored to death? Of course not. Why? Because this was his motivation: He was stupid. Why can't a movie like this be based on smart choices and smart people, instead of the dumb trying to lure the dumber into a union that will probably result in the birth of the world's dumbest offspring?

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