Spirited Away

Bomb Rating: 

This is the highest-grossing film in Japan's history, which really makes you wonder what kind of weed the Japanese have been smoking.

This is the highest-grossing film in Japan's history, which really makes you wonder what kind of weed the Japanese have been smoking.

The movie is by Hayao ("Princess Mononoke") Miyazaki and it's about a girl who's moving to a new place with her parents. They stop, grab a bite to eat, and then her parents turn into pigs and she finds herself in some kind of spirit world. There are a couple of witches, a bunch of weird-looking creatures, and a boy named Haku, who tries to help the girl, Chihiro, out. For some reason, Chihiro's name changes to Sen in the spirit world.

Frankly, I don't have a clue about this funky anime crap. What am I supposed to say about this movie? That the animated spirit world was wanting? That the witches' voices were miscast? That the anime geeks in the audience smelled strongly of Tootsie Rolls and Aqua Velva? Here's something: "Spirited Away" was over two hours long. I would assume parents are going to bring their kids to this thing. If there's a five-year-old in this world who can sit still for two hours during an animated film they aren't likely to understand in the least, I will lick the underside of my toilet clean.

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