Bomb Rating: 

Having attended films for over 30 years, I knew deep down in my heart that one thing had always been missing from my cinema experience. While I never quite knew how to put that one thing into words, I was always confident that one day, it would arrive, and my cinema-going experience would be complete.

I'm proud to say that day has arrived. "Spun" has allowed me to realize one of my life goals: watching Mena Suvari pinch a loaf. That's right: "Spun" features a strung out, stain-toothed, bruised Suvari taking a dump. Hell, we even get to see the "loaf" plop into the toilet. Then we get to watch Suvari wipe her ass with a single piece of toilet paper and toss that in the toilet. Thank Christ, I have now truly lived.

Suvari is Cookie, Spider Mike's (John Leguizamo) girlfriend. Spider Mike is the dealer who's supposed to sell Ross (Jason Schwartzman) a supply of Meth, but who finds himself fresh out, thus setting in motion a series of events that leads to nothing, save for a lot of car rides, a lot of Meth-snorting, a lot of excuses for "creative" cutting and animation and some typical, boring, "you had to be there" sort of conversations between Ross, Nikki (Brittany Murphy) and The Cook (Mickey Rourke).

"Spun" might be the most unappetizing, dirty film I've ever seen. And while that's presumably the point, I have no desire to snort meth, and thus have no desire to watch a group of losers wallow in their own filth snorting meth. Is it actually some revelation to the filmmakers that doing this drug over and over until your veins are corroded is bad? Do they actually think it's a revelation to any filmgoer who's never been stupid enough to do crank?

My answer (the same mantra I asked myself throughout the entire movie): "Are you kidding me?"

To spread the word about this Spun review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Spun Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Two things real quick: Betty Friedan is still alive (as far as I know) and a financial aide would be like a banker, but financial aid is what you get when you get money for college.

  • I don't know what world these filmmakers live in, but the second I graduated from high school, I left high school. Never thought about the place again.

  • Here's what I hope the sequel will be titled: "Harold and Kumar Go to Jail." Perhaps the filmmakers behind this movie don't realize this, but marijuana is illegal to use and possess, yet it seems to b