Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

Bomb Rating: 

When a filmmaker turns to 3-D as a film technique, it's pretty clear that a career path involving flipping burgers can't be too far off.

When a filmmaker turns to 3-D as a film technique, it's pretty clear that a career path involving flipping burgers can't be too far off. Why do they do this? Would you believe that much of the decision seems to involve nothing more than a third film in a series coupled with notion that this will be a filmmaker's only chance to combine a "3" with a "D" and have it make sense? After all, one couldn't do "Spy Kids 4-D." Why filmmakers don't consider other varieties of number/word combinations and save us filmgoers from this continual immersion in pain is anybody's guess. Did Rodriguez ever consider this: "Spy Kids 2 Many"?

To accommodate the need for a pointless, often annoying visual effect, Rodriguez has concocted a pointless, annoying story. Carmen (Alexa Vega) has gotten herself trapped in a video game and Juni (Daryl Sabara) must rescue her. This game is all the plan of the evil Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone), who's also trapped in the game and whose personality is divided into three different parts, thus giving Stallone four different roles. Really, isn't it bad enough Stallone is given one part, let alone four? This is one of those things for which the word "pain" and any other conceivable preceding adjective simply do no justice.

Apparently very little incentive existed to get the original stars to reappear, so they all have very brief, cameo roles. That is, except for Ricardo Montalban, who has a big part as Grandpa because hey, it's not like he has anything else to do when he's not chasing evasive producers around with his tattered screenplay for "Fantasy Island: The Movie."

Come to think of it, "Fantasy Island: The Movie" might have been preferable to this.

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