Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Bomb Rating: 

Myers actually seems determined to set some sort of new record for most corporate fists in a single ass.

In the first five minutes of the new "Austin Powers" film, Mike Myers probably pays for the movie's entire production cost with four well-placed advertisements. It reaches the point where Myers actually seems determined to set some sort of new record for most corporate fists in a single ass. Elbowing their way into Myers' rectum are Starbucks, Heineken, Volkswagen and Virgin Atlantic.

First, let's take a paragraph to go over the misnomered women who are in fact not naked in this film: Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) is not naked in this film, even though she shags Austin and flashes a prison guard. Vanessa (Elizabeth Hurley) is not naked, despite the fact that her nipples shoot bullets. Robin Swallows (Gia Carides) is not naked, and opens her mouth only to annoy us. Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnson) is not naked, regardless of the fact that her character supposedly humps a lot. Get it? Hump-a-lot. Oh stop, my sides are aching. Rebecca Romijn Stamos, by the way, is not naked in this film.

One person who is naked is Fat Bastard (Myers), an agent of Dr. Evil's. This is supposed to funny, but is really just Myers' facile attempt to ridicule the lifestyle of those challenged by gravity. Another gripe: Rob Lowe appears in this movie, doing an impression of Robert Wagner. When I see Rob Lowe it gives me painful flashbacks to the mid-'80s, which may not be all bad, in that it could be grounds for a lucrative lawsuit.

In making this sequel, Myers takes the kitchen sink approach, as the original movie's "let's make this look as much like a bad SNL skit as possible" approach failed miserably. Dr. Evil (Myers) returns, travels in a time machine back to 1969, and steals Austin's mojo, which is that thing Jim Morrison talked about rising. Austin follows Dr. Evil back in time, hooks up with CIA operative Shagwell, and tries to reclaim his mojo. I not sure why they bothered -- they could have looked on any Taco Bell cup and found it.

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