Anybody else think that Claire Danes looks way too much like Edgar Winter? I watched "Stardust" and kept expecting to hear "Frankenstein." It was disturbing, especially considering that this is supposed to be sort of "The Princess Bride" for a new generation. All I've got to say is that when your princess bride looks like Edgar Winter and glows, there's something wrong.

Actually Danes plays Yvaine, a star that falls from the sky and is found by Tristan (Charlie Cox), who has promised Victoria (Sienna Miller) that he will find the star and bring it back to her. Unfortunately, two other people are looking for the star too: Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer), a witch who wants to cut out the star's heart so it will provide her with youth, and Septimus (Mark Strong), who's looking for the jewel the star wears around her neck. The jewel will make Septimus the official new King.

If this all sounds like convoluted horse crap, it is. "Stardust" is the adaptation of the Neil Gaiman book of the same name. I suppose if one is familiar with the book, then the story is easy to follow. Me, I just sat there trying to figure out what the hell was going on and what the film was trying to accomplish.

Like I said, it's clearly trying to be "The Princess Bride" for the 21st century. It's full of the sort of humor that would potentially be recognizable as funny were Christopher Guest doing it. With Charlie Cox doing it, I just sort of sat there and wondered whether I was supposed to laugh or supposed to go ask the manager for my money back. As the movie drags on, the comedic intent becomes more obvious as we meet Captain Shakespeare (Robert De Niro), who's tough on the outside, but secretly likes to dress up in women's clothing. Then we meet Ferdy the Fence (Ricky Gervais), who's, well, Ricky Gervais.

"Stardust" plays like a movie that originally wasn't a comedy and then somebody realized that absolutely nobody was going to watch it unless it was funny. I guess nobody is better than absolutely nobody. This is what passes for accomplishment in Hollywood these days.