Star Treck IV: The Voyage Home

Bomb Rating: 

No "Star Trek" films is worth its salt unless Klingons are getting blown up.

This is generally considered the best of the "Star Trek" films by the worthless losers who form the collective commonly known as "Trekkies." (Yes, it's "Trekkies." "Trekkers" is what they call themselves, as if the "ers" somehow made them not losers.) And why is this considered the best of the "Star Trek" films? Simple: It's warm and fuzzy.

Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy), McCoy (DeForest Kelley), Scotty (James Doohan), Sulu (George Takei), Chekov (Walter Koenig) and Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) take their Klingon bird of prey back in time to 1986 and attempt to grab some whales and haul them back to the future where they will save the planet from the destruction. Basically, the concept driving this whole film is "let's watch the Star Trek people run around in San Francisco and be funny by being out-of-place." They run into Dr. Gillian Taylor (Catherine Hicks), who's a whale expert and eventually not only helps them, but travels to the future because the future will need a whale expert since they don't have any whales (not like whale information would be readily available on a computer or anything).

Screw this. No "Star Trek" films is worth its salt unless Klingons are getting blown up. Who gives a Captain's log if some black Styrofoam space cylinder floats in from outer space and starts emitting whale sounds to whales that are extinct? Is this a message? Don't harpoon the whales because one day they might save the planet? Oh, bull. What if one day that probe shows up looking for millions of candles made out of whale fat and we don't have any around to give them and they destroy us? What then?

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