Star Trek: First Contact

Bomb Rating: 

The only thing "menacing" about a big cube spaceship is its capacity to bore you to death.

Haven't we had enough of these movies? Star Trek's new generation follows its bald-headed captain aboard a shiny new ship to boldly explore the same old, tired concepts. This movie revolves around the two things STNG fans apparently never tire of: the Borg and time travel.

As anyone who wears Vulcan ears to work can tell you, the Borg are communist-like technology freaks who roam the universe "assimilating" other races. They travel in a big cube that is supposed to be menacing. As any first-grader can tell you, the only thing "menacing" about a big cube spaceship is its capacity to bore you to death. I'd like to see the Star Trek marketing geniuses try to sell the Borg spaceship to little children. Kids would take one look at it and say "it's a big square" and toss it out the window faster than a dusty Rubik's Cube.

The Borg go back in time to try and stop Zefram Cochrane (James Cromwell) from inventing warp drive, which is supposed to prevent the Vulcans from noticing Earth and initiating the Federation. This is like saying that if the Borg had gone back a couple of centuries earlier and prevented the invention of the alarm clock, Zefram Cochrane would have never gotten up that crucial morning and would have missed his flight to meet the Vulcans. Let's be logical here: Somebody else would have eventually thought up the alarm clock just as somebody else would have thought up warp drive. Besides, we had been sending radio and television messages into space for the last hundred years. Were the Vulcans too stupid to pick up "Hee Haw"?

Speaking of not too bright, can't we find a nemesis more intelligent than the Borg? Despite their so-called need to assimilate, they can't seem to assimilate the idea that allowing Picard to walk amongst them unmolested is a recipe for Borg Pizza. You'd think after their first encounter with the Captain they would have planted a message within the collective like "no sightseeing for the bald one."

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