Star Wars

Bomb Rating: 

Writer/director George Lucas wants me to root for the Rebel Alliance to defeat the evil Galactic Empire, but how can I?

Writer/director George Lucas wants me to root for the Rebel Alliance to defeat the evil Galactic Empire, but how can I? As the Empire attacks Princess Leia's (Carrie Fisher) transport ship, Lucas makes it pretty clear that the rebels are just asking for it. While the Storm Troopers board the ship wearing full body armor, the rebels protect themselves with the Rolls Royce of personal safety equipment, the vest.

Left on the editing room floor were the crucial scenes between rebel commanders discussing the merits of this particular defensive maneuver.

Rebel #1: "You know, I've always thought polyester was a very distracting fabric."

Rebel #2: "Good point. And hey, even if our vests don't repel any weapons fire, at least we'll look good getting shot."

Eventually, it becomes clear that the Empire commanders aren't a whole lot brighter. They've designed a planet-sized space station with a two-meter wide hole in it that leads directly to the reactor core. Every time the Empire does maintenance on the hull Darth Vader has to remind the workers not to horse around lest they drop a paint brush or wrench down the opening and destroy the entire station.

As Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) flies around outside, blasting away, an aide tells the Empire's commander (Peter Cushing) about the problem. Instead of sending someone out a portal with a couple of trash can lids to plug the damn thing up, he just looks on plaintively as Luke fires a laser shot into his Achilles' heel. This originally led to the premature title for the sequel: "Star Wars II: Kill the Death Star Engineers."

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