07/11/01: GUN CUNTS--A Crankyland fanfic--Part Uno

Posted By: Slater

FADE IN

We see MIA WALLACE, a pale, batlike creature huddled in the shadows. On the ceiling. Upside-down. Eating a newborn infant. You know, just another Tuesday afternoon.

BUBBLES POWERPUFF enters the room. Bubbles is an . . . interesting-looking girl. She's about six-four, two- hundred and fifty pounds, with rippling muscles, a deep and commanding voice, and a gorgeous Adam's Apple. She is shaving her upper lip and staring in a portable mirror admiringly.

Mia drops from the ceiling and smashes face-first into the concrete beside Bubbles with a sickening THUD. Mia stands up, grinning cheerfully. Her face doesn't seem to be any worse for the fall, but fuck, who can really tell?

MIA: guess what I learned in polysci class today?

BUBBLES (hopefully): The first successful vaginal transplant procedure has been completed?

MIA: you use big words. thats funny.

BUBBLES: I guess that's a "no".

MIA: my teacher was saying how china just completely sucks and i was saying nhyuh-uh, 'cause he's just a big penisface like nick-the-dick, and then everybody was like, wow.

She stares at Bubbles eagerly, the way a fat woman stares at a bowl of mayonaise. Bubbles ignores her, preening at her moustache in the portable mirror.

BUBBLES: God, I am fucking hot . . .

MIA: yeah well you may be hot, but you're not evil like me!

Bubbles stares at her disdainfully.

BUBBLES: Evil? Please. Shaking your ghoul thing at the local strip club on amateur night does not make you evil.

MIA: oh and im so sure that your like TOTALLY evil.

Bubbles lets out a deep, Jack Palance-esque laugh. Actually, she even sort of LOOKS like Jack Palance.

BUBBLES: Evil? Of course I am. Why, just the other week I told that little mouse Psuedonym how boring her life was.

Bubbles laughs maniacally. Mia looks crestfallen.

MIA: oh, right. i guess that WAS pretty evil. well, what are you going to do tonight?

Bubbles shrugs.

BUBBLES: Probably wait around and see if Psuedonym ever goes online tonight, so I can tell her how boring she is again.

Mia frowns. From inside her head, we hear the faint sound of a hamster wheel squeaking. Her eyes cross, and she begins to drool. Bubbles waits patiently for Mia to get done thinking.

Mia's eyes snap open.

MIA: i've got it! why don't we go over to her house and tell her to her face? i heard that the crankyland girls are having a get-together over there tonight!

BUBBLES: Why wasn't I invited?

MIA: the crankyland GIRLS, bubbles.

Bubbles frowns, confused. She blinks a few times, then smiles. Her Adam's Apple jiggles ferociously.

BUBBLES: I have a better idea. We'll go over there and KILL them all, just to prove how evil we are.

Mia frowns, trying to digest an entire sentence at once. It obviously doesn't agree with her.

MIA: k-k-kill them?

Bubbles nods, satisfied.

BUBBLES: You get the guns. I need to put on some "Brut", and then I'll be ready to go.

MIA: can't we wait until the sun goes down? the last time i went out during the day a seagull tried to eat me and a bunch of dogs tried to have sex with me . . .

Bubbles nods, engrossed in how brilliant Bubbles is, and wondering why nobody else has noticed this yet.

BUBBLES: Yes, night . . . then, once and for all, we'll finally prove how truly evil we are once and for all!

There is a sudden knock at the door, interrupting Bubbles insane laughter. She opens it.

X-Man is standing on the doorstep, wearing a heavy parka and looking nervous.

X-MAN: Oh, I must have the wrong address. I saw a personal ad in "The San Fransisco Shaft", uhh . . . "SWM seeks SWM for . . . uh, for pneumatically-injected rodents, goat-fisting, and long walks on the beach?" I must've got the wrong address, though, sorry . . .

Bubbles takes his hand, and turns to Mia.

BUBBLES: Will you excuse me, Mia?

Mia transforms into a bat and flaps away, shrieking madly. She immediately runs into the closest wall and oozes to the floor, fucking unconscious.

BUBBLES: Won't you come in?

X-Man swallows. Hard. He enters the house, and the door slams behind him.

--TO BE CONTINUED.

o Responses to this message:

o Post a response to this discussion thread

Back to the Stupids forum