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"Am I on the air?
"This is Issabelle Mascarenas broadcasting live from the apartment of an Internet terrorist known only as Nick-The- Knife.
"Today, police beat down the door to Nick's apartment, and confiscated his computer and stubble beard. Nick has been charged with two counts of felony misdehumor, for posting insipid fan-fic in the Cranky forum. The bomb squad is moving in as I speak, to defuse further fan-fiction.
"Oh - My - God! One of the bomb squad personel, Cleotus Wulfgar, read the tenth chapter of GUN CUNTS in which he is featured. He is stumbling back out of the apartment, curling into a fetal position, and jerking himself off.
"This seems to be the norm for habitual fan-fic readers. For some reason, unbeknownst to behavioural scientists, habitual fan-fic readers crave seeing their name in print. Even if it appears in a poorly written fan-fic.
"Wulfgar is being loaded into an ambulance, while being revived by liberal doses of Chaucer and Dante. Haz-mat suited personel from BARFF (Belligerent people Against Repetitive Fan-Fic) are cautiously wading through reams of fan-fic printouts. It will take time to cleanse the apartment of hazardous humor. As I speak, Shecky Green is being called in as a technical consultant. His expertise in the realm of bad comedy will prove invaluable."
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