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CUT TO inside the house as Bubbles shuts the door behind him and locks it. She stands back and takes a good look at X-MAN as he sheds his parka.
CUT TO Bubbles' POV. He looks something like Eb from GREEN ACRES, only a lot geekier. He looks up at Bubbles and gulps. She flexes for him and smiles. Every other tooth is missing.
BUBBLES: So… like what you see?
X-MAN: Uh… yeah… D-do you w-work out?
BUBBLES: Yup. I can bench press 450. And that's with one arm. Aren't I HOT???
X-MAN: Uh, yeah, you sure as hell are. Listen I have an appointment with a guy that runs a goat farm, so…
He moves towards the door and Bubbles quickly blocks his path.
BUBBLES: Don't be in such a hurry, Loverboy.
She leans closer, the smell of Brut suffocating X-Man.
BUBBLES: Want to… pump some iron?
X-Man looks at her and he smiles.
X-MAN: Did you get one of those new pussies-in-a-can? Cool!
Bubbles scoops him up carries him into the bedroom, kicking the door closed.
CUT TO the closet. Mia wakes up and hangs from the clothes bar. She hears a grunting noise coming from the bedroom and cocks her head to listen.
X-MAN (V.O., muffled): Damn, you have a nice Adam's Apple, Miss Bubbles.
BUBBLES: Thank you, Eb. I'm taking female hormones to get rid of my chest hair. It's almost all gone now.
Mia listens and hears clothes rustle. She puts a wing over her mouth and giggles.
X-MAN: HOLY SWEET BUTTERED MOTHER OF CHRIST ON A JUMPED-UP SIDECAR!!!!
X-Man begins to make choking sounds and Mia giggles madly as she hears
BUBBLES: TAKE IT, BITCH! TAKE IT ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
DISSOLVE TO: Miss Enthropic Bitch's house.
CUT TO inside the house. MEB, Violet Beauregarde, skilly, Hairhead, Retard-In-The-Theater and Pseudonym are having a pajama party. Uber, MEB's hydrocephalic younger brother, pokes his head into the room.
UBER: Uhhhhhhh, sis? Uhhhhhh…
MEB: Jesus Christ… WHAT, YOU LITTLE PERVERT?!
Uber talks to MEB but eyes all the other girls in the room hungrily.
UBER: Hubba hubba hubba hubba… Is there anything I can do for you? Do any of you…
He licks his lips.
UBER: … have any dirty panties you need washed?
MEB picks up a floor lamp and throws it at Uber, hitting him in the head with the base.
MEB: GO BACK TO THE BASEMENT WHERE YOU BLEONG, YOU WORM!
Uber stumbles backwards and falls down the stairs to the basement, screaming "PANTIIIEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!" all the way down. The girls laugh.
SKILLY: Don't EVER give that little fuck your panties to clean. He stole a pair of mine and when I got them back, the crotch was sucked out of them.
PSEU: I'll bet Slothrop didn't mind.
SKILLY: He thought it was sexy. The last time I was wearing them, he sucked my clit so hard my head nearly caved in.
All the girls laugh and MEB picks up the phone, dials, and orders a pizza. She gives the address and hangs up.
CUT TO the pizza shop. The owner is on the floor. Mia Wallace is bent over him, sucking his blood. X-Man stands nearby, his eyes closed, listening to the sounds of sucking and staring at Bubbles, who's hanging up the phone.
BUBBLES: Okay, here's what we're going to do…
WIPE TO MEB's house. A beat up AMC Pacer pulls up to the curb and X-Man, disguised as a pizza delivery boy, stumbles out and shuffles up the walk. He glances nervously around as he makes his way to the door.
CUT TO a tree nest to the house. Mia Wallace hangs from a branch, licking her bloody lips.
CUT TO the tool shed near the garage. Bubbles, holding an AK-47, peeps out the door and motions X-Man to go on.
CUT TO X-Man as he approaches the door, pizza in hand. He hesitantly knocks.
CUT TO inside the house. RITT is sniffing the air.
RITT: WAYT, MEEB!!
MEB stops before opening the door.
MEB: What? What's the matter??
RITT: Dyd yu oder anchovieys on tha pizza?
MEB: No…
RITT (Eyes widening)
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
All of the women leap to their feet and grab automatic weapons. MEB pulls a sawed-off shotgun out of the umbrella stand, points it just below head level at the door, and pulls both triggers.
MEB: Let's get the fuck out of here!!!
CUT TO outside the door as the upper middle disintegrates in a cloud of splinters and X-Man's head does the same in an explosion of blood and bone. (No brain matter, though.) The headless body teeters and falls over.
CUT TO the tree. Mia screeches and swoops out of the tree.
CUT TO the tool shed. Bubbles curses, and kicks open the door. She attempts to run through it but her ass gets stuck in the doorway.
CUT TO the back of the house as the door is kicked open and skilly and Pseu dash out, blazing away. Violet and Hairhead follow, shooting at anything that moves, hitting nothing. The four of them, followed by MEB, dash into the garage.
CUT TO the tool shed as Bubbles stumbles backwards, falling on her ass. Her gun goes off and she blows a hole through the roof of the shed, spending her entire clip and narrowly missing Mia Wallace, who's flying overhead.
MIA: you stupid bitch!!! watch it!
Mia flies into the braches of a nearby tree, hits the trunk, and crashing noises are heard as she tumbles to the ground through the branches.
MIA: dammit, i'm so clumsy…
CUT TO the garage as MEB's car, a bright red 1958 Plymouth Fury, bursts through the garage door and shoots down the driveway like a bullet though a gun. skilly and Violet pop out of the open windows, still firing at the tool shed. The car careens around the corner and disappears.
CUT TO the shed as it collapses in a POOF of dirt and dust.
CUT TO Mia, laying on the ground in a heap.
CUT TO the entire scene as the dust settles and an eerie quiet falls over everything. Footsteps are heard and Uber stumbles out of the house, his eyes wide. He sees Bubbles' legs sticking out of the shed and grins.
UBER: Panties! Panties panties panties panties panties panties!!!
He moves into the shadows and the sound of rustling clothes is heard. A beat.
UBER! HEY!!! This chick has a bigger dick than mine! No fair!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
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