The funniest thing about "Superbad" was the number of parents who left with their kids, hands cupped over their ears, not five minutes into the movie looking for a theater manager to castrate.

That's because the first five minutes reveals everything a discerning audience member could need to make a moral judgment about the film. Basically the film's two lead characters, high school seniors Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera), engage in a series of conversations that make the dialogue in a porn film seem tame. If there's some disgusting way for Seth to describe the sex act, he does.

Now, this isn't to say I cared about the damage done to these families because, seriously, how dumb a parent do you have to be to bring your kid into an R-rated, teenage sex comedy? Ironically, had Seth and Evan set fire to a few Arabs, nobody would have left, but that's an entirely different discussion. No, all Seth and Evan do throughout the entire movie is try to get alcohol for a party where babes Jules (Emma Stone) and Becca (Martha MacIsaac) will be. Seth thinks he's going to bone Jules. Evan hopes he'll get it on with Becca.

That's the plot. Welcome to the world of people with no writing talent whatsoever who get to write their own movie because they know Judd Apatow. The no-talent "FOJ" writer in this case is Seth Rogen, who starred in "Knocked Up" earlier this year.

Seth Rogen, stick to acting, you fugly bastard. There are so many writers out there with more talent in their nose pickings than you have in your entire body that the fact that you got to make a movie like this smacks of the kind of injustice that needs to be corrected by jail time.

Adding to the film's woes is a subplot that puts the main characters' friend, Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), in the back of a police car piloted by Officer Slater (Bill Hader) and Officer Michaels (Seth Rogen). The officers' Keystone Cop characterizations are much less funny then they are embarrassing, in the kind of way a kid peeing his pants in school is embarrassing. Except these guys are adults.

The point of my inane rambling about this film's inane rambling is that any idiot can string together expletives about male and female sex organs and their various functions. That's precisely all that "Superbad" turns out to be and when that's good enough to get a movie made, it's yet another sad day for humanity.