Bomb Rating: 

This movie is exactly like "Alien," except that in the role of the alien, there's a really annoying guy named Troy (Peter Facinelli). You can imagine that being pitched to the studio if you want. It sounds like a parody you'd see on "The Simpsons." Tragically, it's not.

The movie is directed by Thomas Lee. As far as I know, there's no such person as Thomas Lee, and this is just a pseudonym for Walter ("48 Hrs.") Hill, who apparently walked off the set when the producers began interfering with his movie. Either that, or his assistant brought him plain doughnuts instead of glazed one morning and he suddenly realized his artistic integrity was being oppressed. It's no surprise then that this movie appears to have been directed by a troupe of schizophrenics.

This rescue vessel answers a distress call by doing some kind of lightning warp across the universe which kills Captain A.J. Marley (Robert Forster), leaving steroid-rippled ex-con Nick Vanzant (James Spader) in charge. Frankly, if I had made the mistake of casting Forster as my ship's captain, I would have found a way to kill him off too, since the man couldn't act surprised if he was suddenly bisected by an angry bear. Vanzant and the rest of the crew, Dr. Evers (Angela Bassett), Yerzy (Lou Diamond Phillips), Beny (Wilson Cruz), and Danika (Robin Tunney), pick up Troy, and things start going badly.

Troy brings an alien artifact aboard, and Yerzy promptly sticks his hand in it, at which point one begins to wonder whether anybody has considered making a few rules aboard these rescue vessels, such as "Don't stick your hands in strange alien objects." Naturally, the alien artifact makes Troy evil and gives him superhuman strength and -- of course -- they keep the thing on board until almost everyone is dead. Just once I'd like to see some people pick up alien object that gave them hepatitis and shriveled their genitals. They'd eject that thing from the ship like an ugly fat prostitute with halitosis and move on to something new -- preferably something that hadn't already been done to death in fifty previous films.

To spread the word about this Supernova review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Supernova Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • This film made me physically ill, so much so that if Winona Ryder had walked up to me in a topless Catholic schoolgirl uniform selling Girl Scout cookies, I would still have projectile vomited all ove

  • It always irritates me that, despite the fact that for all intents and purposes they live in the same world we do, the characters in science fiction and horror films always seem to be born in a cultur

  • Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

    Mr. Smiley's rating:
    Prozacerrific! Wow, I can't feel my feet!