The Switch

Bomb Rating: 

It’s almost as though the script for this film was written by a faceless robot called The Violator while smoking cigars and penetrating Japanese schoolgirls with tentacles for some live-action manga / snuff flick.

Comedies often ask the audience to gloss over certain behaviors or actions that occur during the course of a film in order to create situations which are either awkward or uncomfortable, and therefore funny. However, few have gone so far as to tackle the idea of that sexually assaulting a woman by secretly implanting her with your sperm and then disappearing completely from her life could be hilarious. That is, until the release of “The Switch.”

Who is the pioneer of this particular form of insemination by sleight of hand? None other than Jason Bateman, a man whose once-promising film career has steadily declined to the point where now most of the roles he is offered ask him to act like a sleazebag around younger women (Juno, Extract). In fact, it’s safe to say that Bateman is well on his way to becoming his generation’s Nick Nolte, only without the amusing drug-fueled escapades and co-starring turns with Keanu Reeves.

I know what you are thinking. Can’t we all just forgive Bateman for his decision to replace the donor sperm given to his supposed “best friend” (played by Jennifer Aniston) with his own, based on the fact that he was high out of his mind at the time? How about we try that one in court: “Your honor, I admit to murdering that crossing guard, but in my defense, I was tripping balls that night.”

Guilty!

Aniston, for her part, is not only completely ok with the sperm switcheroo, but eventually ends up marrying Bateman and allowing him to father his bastard child. Thank you, Hollywood, for once again displaying your extreme sensitivity towards the emotions of women and for allowing Aniston to portray a believable and nuanced method of coping with possibly the deepest of desecrations – the hijacking of her uterus. It’s almost as though the script for this film was written by a faceless robot called The Violator while smoking cigars and penetrating Japanese schoolgirls with tentacles for some live-action manga / snuff flick.

By the way, if you have read this far and are feeling a bit let down by the number of spoilers contained in this review, grow the fuck up. It’s a movie about a dude who accidentally-on-purpose impregnates his best friend. If you couldn’t figure out where the plot was going after watching the trailer, then you are probably too emotionally vulnerable to watch this movie. I recommend something a little less sinister, like The Deer Hunter, or Naked Lunch.

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