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Dan has had enough. Dan will leave Cranky Land forever. Mr. Cranky deletes Dan’s posts. Some doltish son of a bitch imbecile fills Dan’s e-mail account with idiotic gay-man pornography. What does good old Dan do? He scours the World Wide Web in search of the finest lesbian smut and celebrity nudes that he can find. No one respects him for all his labor. Dan shares them with you. If you e-mail him, he will forward you his bookmarks, which embody some of the hottest girl--girl action you will ever see. Dan has been looking forward to the day that Natalie Portman becomes a legal adult. Dan has spent most of the day browsing for nude images of Natalie to share with his colleagues at Mr. Cranky’s site.
Dan came from a tiny village just outside of Jerkwater USA, about 30 miles south of BF Egypt. Dan was the third son of Jack Meoff by his wife, Lela. Legend states that one of Jack’s ancestors formed the eight tribes of Crankyland. Jack Meoff was one of the most feared competitors in the history of Jerkwater. Weighing over 400 pounds, Jack may be best known for airplane spinning and then bodyslamming perhaps the dumbest boxer of all time, Tommy “The Machine” Gunn. Jack truly had an illustrious career. After retiring from the cock fights —"I threw my shit in the Pacific Ocean," he was fond of mentioning. In 1997, he became mayor of Jerkwater USA. However, due to increasing pressure and a heart condition, Jack handed off his duties later that year to his other son, The Tennessee Stud, who today calls the telephone sex lines for some hot lesbo action, while at city hall. The Tennessee Stud is still a good mayor. Jack will go down in history as one of the most important and influential men ever in the business.
Lela shocked the world when she showed up by the side of Jack Meoff. Her appearance is one of a shrewd businesswoman and her attitude is no different. She believes she knows everything there is to know about every person in Jerkwater, and she has convinced Jack that with her knowledge, he can become more successful than ever. She also knows how to use her sexuality to achieve her ends. She has proven this repeatedly. She will flaunt her gorgeous body, even to the point of stripping, to get whatever she wants for herself and for Jack.
In addition to being an accomplished adult film star, Rambone, Dan’s oldest brother is also a successful bestiality pornographer. He can beat his meat with his quick aerial maneuvers or overpower it with the brute strength of his fist of fury. He also has a thing for Natalie Portman, but he will step aside so that Dan can have his first experience with a movie star.
Dan Steely, an undisguised mother fucker and child prodigy. He was a consummate performer, screwing Rosie O’Donnell in flamboyant costumes on ornate pianos, sometimes with symphony orchestras, but more often at Las Vegas or on television. He ended his career somewhere between a cult figure and a parody of himself.
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