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1) Do you wanna be a cowboy/cowgirl?
-- Oh yeah. Long hours; constant exposure to the elements; smelly cows; shitty pay; boring, mind-numbing work, and those few fellow coworkers who couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel: What's not to like?
2) Do you admit to owning a copy of the Urban Cowboy soundtrack?
-- Do you admit to masturbating to a Girl Scout calendar? No more "have you stopped beating your wife" questions please. No soundtrack, but I do have a bucking machine in my back yard.
3) What's so good about country music anyways? Other than all the hot chicks that yodel?
-- Every so often, they do come up with some good ones. But that only happens like once or twice per century. I'm kind of partial to Please Come to Boston, You're the Reason God Made Oklahoma, and Ode to Billy Joe myself. But if I hear that song about the guy buying the dead soldier's Corvette one more time, somebody's gonna get their radio smashed flatter than Joan Rivers.
4) Country musak in elevators would lead to a higher suicide rate yes?
An instrumental version of Achey Brakey Heart might do the trick, yes. I'm sure the "regular" version probably filled more than a few caskets.
5) When you played cowboys and indians what role did you prefer and why?
-- Indian, of course. I've always been partial to vegetarian cooking, non-violent protests, sitar music, and Nehru jackets. For some odd reason, none of the neighbor kids played with me very much.
6) Is it really all that fun/cool to be a cowboy?
-- Hey, anything to help connect with the chicks, right? From the great mind of Stephen Wright:
"I got on a bus and sat down next to this beautiful blond- haired Chinese girl who confessed to me that she was a nymphomaniac with a thing for Jewish cowboys. 'What's your name?' She asked.
'Bucky Goldberg.' I replied."
7) Name the greatest film of the western genre ever created. You may also discuss the greatest acting performance if you so desire.
-- I'm not really qualified to comment on what the "greatest" film of that genre was, or even qualified to correctly pronounce the word "genre." But I know what I like. I've never met a John Wayne film I didn't like. My favorite western is "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence." If Jimmy Stewart had quit making films after that, I would be a much happier person. I also think The Missouri Breaks with Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando ranks right up there. Jack Nicholson had the best wake-up line in any movie ever in that one.
8) Do cowboys tip cows for fun?
-- No. Only for good service. Actually, cowboys aren't the ones who engage in cow tipping. That would be the small town boys out for a fun evening.
9) Would you rather dance like a cowboy or a rap singer or a Russian ballet dancer?
-- Rap singers can dance? Hell, they can't even sing. I'll go for the Russian thing.
10) So do you like southern accents or country accents or do try really hard to not to giggle when you hear southern twangs? Does it sound better from a chick than a guy or vice versa?
-- Cute on chicks, mostly pathetic on guys. It does, however, sound natural coming from James Carvell. I just wish I could figure out what the hell he was saying. Every time Jesse Helms opens his mouth, I want to stuff a whole Kentucky Fried Chicken into that gaping Southern maw with a battering ram so he'll shut the f*** up.
==Coaster
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