Responses to this message:
I admit it. I'm a sucker for honesty. {grin}
I'm 100% willing to spend cash and maybe a chunk of my soul to take the risk of winding up slumped over a wooden horse just for curiosity's sake. As in, "The Risk Of Getting Raped Anally By The Man With Neither A Rubber Nor Jelly" factor which many people (also known as the herd known as idiotic sheep) choose to ignore.
It's awfully hard to not notice the bleeding semen-filled assholes leaving their esoteric red, brown and goo marks through the clothing of the MILLIONS who actually watched "Armageddon" leaving the cinemas after its showing to PROVE that factor is in existence. However, rape is a very personal violation. Many of the aforementioned are still in denial. They haven't taken a decent shit since and wonder why they cringe violently every time they hear the fine music of ZZ Top or Aerosmith on the radio.
On that note, I like the reviews, so far, for "There's Something About Mary." And, yes, I am critical about the creators' earlier works as well.
"Dumb And Dumber?" Yup! A very true title which aptly describes that flick. Also known as Jim Carrey's low point since the sequel to "Ace Ventura." NEXT!
"Kingpin?" Only funny when Bill Murray is onscreen, just long enough to distract the wonderful antics of Harrelson coping with his disability and lack of intelligence. It does have some very good examples opf gross-out humor but those sequences are far and few between. NEXT!
Now, my anticipation for "There's Something About Mary" when it hits DSS via PPV:
I'm a sucker for a GREAT ego-pleasing comedy. I especially LOVE, and I'm going to emphasise this, PERFECTLY PERFORMED PARODIES AND PRATFALLS! For examples one may look to "Airplane!," "The Naked Gun" (not its sequels,) "Top Secret" and those two "Hot Shots" flicks as my picks which comprise that standard of mine. This form of comedy is Mostly Harmless and no one has a problem with that.
I did find "Loaded Weapon" fine for its star power and the cameos as well as the best "Grand Jury/Basic Instinct" parody since anything which relates to Starr and the "Best Men of the Christian Coalition." The "Beaver Shot" is classic! Otherwise, it falls flat as a whole. Very unbalanced.
"Strange Brew" was water. Maybe I did find it funny since the late godfather of voices, Mel Blanc, was a voice within the film. Then again, I'm a fan of uncensored Bugs Bunny cartoons (if you were a kid growing up and have WATCHED how those cartoons got raped, you will definitely chime in with a response RIGHT NOW, especially the minority who have watched "Space Jam.") Not a chuckle despite that reassuring voice.
Then there's the Potentially Offensive stuff. I'm into bathroom and bodily function humor (as if you didn't know by the time you've rached this paragraph) as well as humor which dares to burn any God-damned bridge or sacred cow. Check out any George Carlin comedy album and that ever-sensational "South Park" animated series for the PRIME examples. All you need is to frame the truth, no matter how disgusting, in the right context!
The latter is the linchpin which drives many a reviewer into utter disgust and, therefore, cranks out an awfully bad review for a comedy which, in essense, is willing to take chances, push the envelope and ruin America. Well, that's what THEY say! Me, I find that it is a decent balance! I mean, Rush Limbaugh may promote hate and spew lies and push the envelope of falsehoods per second to his ditts. I tolerate all speech. Free speech is that right I cherish. The solution to the lies is more speech to correct the errors, preferably with a big ol' uncensored library of reference works.
Meanwhile I, Mr. God-damned liberal scum of the Earth, am looking for something I haven't seen before just for the sake of making myself feel really good with a very long and hard session of belly-laughing!
I usually wind up finding my own ribs cracking under the pressure when the total amount of humor is 100% TRUE and ACTUALLY HAS HAPPENED! Or can. Controversial humor of that nature will make me laugh out loud AND offend those who found that someone crossed the line. Folks, walk it off and get over it.
What was that one flick which raped that direct-to-video "Stag" movie last year and added dismemberment? Y'know? "We killed a stripper and now we find ourselves killing each other in as many ways as possible THEN market it as an original black comedy?" Fucking eat me!
Y'see? Maybe I'm in denial. "The Man" maybe is more immoral than me for going as far as deriving potential thrills into inserting that scabby, crusty cock into a fucking dead direct-to-video flick! One word floats through my mind:
"Desparate."
Oh, before I forget the flamers, fuck you! It's a God-damned comedy by my standards IF I've watched it and have to see a doctor to administer the cast! I laughed! You didn't! Ha ha! If I didn't laugh once then it's a God-damned tragedy!
With all that ranting and raving of mine out of the way, I'm definitely going to check out "There's Something About Mary" when it hits PPV. I'm willing to spend $2.99 to take a chance with "The Man" and get what I paid for, unlike those "Armageddon" idiots.
My ass is safe...but I will be wearing ass armor, just in case. Or, in case "The Man," with all that unprotected glory dares to point that thing my way and gain penetration, I'm going to eat a spoonful of "Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce" 12-hours prior to viewing.
I did that one time. I mixed that amount into 4 oz. of tuna salad and ate it all. The aforementioned time period later it turned out to be one very HOT SHIT! I shit you not since I'm a pro-honesty kind of guy! I've suffered this and will make it into a positive experience for you Crankylanders out there, God-dammit!
Remember the time when you were chopping up hot peppers, going to the bathroom BEFORE washing your hands throughly BEFORE touching your genitalia? Folks, this is guaranteed to be one-HUNDRED times that!
At the time I wished my dick was long enough so that I could ass-fuck myself just to write a 100% accurate review of the results. Or, if I were flexible enough, to lick myself clean afterwards, y'know?
Dammit, if I could do that I'd NEVER leave the house!
So, I'm going to take the chance and shell out some cash to watch this flick. What's the worst that may happen? My anus burning the Hell out of Hollywood's collective cock if they find a chink within my armor? Ha ha!
It could be worse. Some producer would turn this lame-o rant into the ultimate in comedy to be found in theaters NOW! It has all the taboos and a lot of the stuff which makes the curious want to watch it. All I need is a very flexible double during the auto-fellatio scenes and we're talking money, baby!
Hell, I'd invite that double to my house! I'd get a KICK watching that while masturbating in perfect rhythym! Sure, I could attempt to track down the ultimate auto-fellatio video but, if I gain the cred, I can fucking watch it live in front of me!
They label it as unwarranted gross-out comedy like they've labeled a "Parental Advisory" upon certain albums. Fine. I'm all for that. Point EVERYONE to a new genre of content: "Shit which MAY offend some people!" Well, as long as I feel I haven't been cheated of my belly-laughing then, quite certainly, it will appeal to me. Then "The Man" will have to find new ways to get its anally-fixated orgasm.
At least I now see the sanity of Tipper Gore: Label the truth, use the media, evoke a LOT of controversy and MAKE MONEY FOR THE MAN! Yeah, add a label to make the controversial stuff sell well within the angst-ridden teen market. Good logic! And to think I'm going as far as voting for Al in 2000. I will because, well, if you thought Tipper was bad...well, the last thing you need is a fucking theocracy of hyprocrisy!
I do have to give an ultra-special "FUCK YOU ASSHOLES" to those whom condemn the internet as a blasphemous orgy of sin. Consider the source, you assholes! You have Marty Rimm, a list of BBS picture DESCRIPTIONS (mind you, he had no spare time to download the images themselves), a useless listing of the alt.sex hierarchy (not a big topic discussion, as far as topics go upon Usenet,) America Online dictating since the inception of internet access that it IS the Internet (even going as far as stating its own pedophillic chatrooms upon AOL ARE the internet) and the mass media hype constructed by Time Warner. I still can't believe that people are willing to BUY Time magazine since that "Cyberporn" fallout!
You want decency? Fine! Just leave us the fuck alone. We need a fucking BIG belly laugh! Damn those torpedos and taboos! I need a fucking laugh now!
Read this lame-o article again. Read about the flick. Learn why the fuck I posted this here! Me, I'm not in it for the money. I'm in it for the laughs! I'll laugh the loudest when you find yourself with a bad case of cockburn afterwards.
--SG2H
Responses to this message:
Post a response to this discussion thread