They

Bomb Rating: 

This film is a "Wes Craven Presents" thing. You know, the type of film they want you to believe is by another filmmaker who's better than the one actually directing it.

Here's what I wondered throughout this entire film: If the characters in the film are suffering from "night terrors," why in the hell don't they just buy better light bulbs for their living quarters? In fact, why not shuttle between Alaska and southern Argentina during the proper times so that the whole dark thing isn't such a big issue? And when you're suffering from night terrors and your light source is always going out at the worst possible time, why would you crawl in a duct with a lighter? Terry (Dagmara Dominczyk) does exactly that. You're afraid of the dark. You're worried about not having light (which apparently scares away "they"). I know, let's crawl in a duct in order to chase a rat.

This film is a "Wes Craven Presents" thing. You know, the type of film they want you to believe is by another filmmaker who's better than the one actually directing it (his name is Robert Harmon). I don't know exactly how one gets the "Wes Craven Presents" moniker on a film, but I wouldn't underestimate the power of a blowjob.

Another great thing about this film is that it has a shower scene featuring a woman in a swimsuit. I've now concluded that I despise any movie that features a shower scene with a woman who is clothed. I don't know if directors have figured this out yet, but that defeats the purpose of the shower. This scene features Terry, who is going for a swim and is showering before she gets into the pool. However, the film is actually mostly about Julia (Laura Regan), who, as an adult, is reintroduced to the night terrors she had as a child. However, the film starts out following Billy (Jon Abrahams), who also has the night terrors. But Billy kills himself so it can't follow him anymore.

Apparently nobody taught director Harmon in director school the "one character" theory, which states that unless you have the patience to follow one character through your entire movie, you probably don't have a story that's worth filming. It's pretty much like the director announcing that the main character is too boring, so let's follow one of the supporting characters around for a little while. To make matters worse, we don't really see much of "they." This is one of those movies that thinks it's scarier if these creatures are blurry and unrecognizable. When we do get a brief glimpse of "they," it looks like the special effects guys simply didn't have enough money.

The conclusion to draw from this film is that the phrase "Wes Craven Presents" should probably be followed by "crap".

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