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A look into the private conversations of two guys. The following has been edited for time and content.
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Gdog: In reference to L-S I've seen people used the word "schtick" twice and called her "Kate" once. Of course, I did both of those things first on savingprivateryan. I am plagued by plagiarists.
Discord: They probably really think her name is Kate.
Gdog: I wrote a poem for my German class. Gestern Morgen war ich krank, / so habe ich diesen Reim gemacht: / ich will nicht zur Deutschkurs gehen, / statt werde ich ins Bett stehen.
Discord: That's so bad.
Gdog: Warum?
Discord: Nah, it’s kewl. You’re brilliant.
Gdog: Really? Brilliant?
Discord: Sure. Last night my wife had me explain the whole Ich bin ein Berliner thing to her. Apparently another teacher is showing a tape of Kennedy's speech and wasn't sure why that line was so famous.
Gdog: Did you say it was famous because of the airlift, or because he fucked it up?
Discord: I said it was famous because he claimed to be a jelly donut. XXXXXX didn't believe me until I explained it to her. Sometimes the truth is too stupid to believe. (You should name your biography that.)
Gdog: The actual title of my autobiography would more likely be "the truth is too boring to arouse interest".
Discord: Oh spare me. Just telling stories about hanging with me would give you an easy four hundred pages of pure gold!
Gdog: What-ever.
Discord: I like how everyone has decided I'm this irrational troublemaker. I didn't realize that standing up for your point of view made you an asshole.
Gdog: I think its the irrational part that bugs 'em. Did I tell you I have mice?
Discord: You should bathe.
Gdog: So I set up some traps to catch the mice. I caught one of 'em a few days ago. But yesterday I saw another one. So I set 'em up again a baited 'em and the little bastard stole all my bait without setting off any traps. I loaded 'em again last night and he did it again. I don't know if I could pull one piece of bait off a trap without gettin’ my fingers snapped and he's done it six times.
Discord: They're tricky. That's the whole basis of the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Gdog: So now I'm gonna use peanut butter on the theory that he can't possibly remove it all from the lever and thus, while licking it or whatever, he will set it off.
Discord: That's great. I'll call you if I ever need my mother’s neck snapped while she's licking peanut butter. I just check Blade and saw the new posts. Haha! I love how he corrects us! I got Billy Baru, oh billy, billy, billy, this is a big one, billy...but didn't expect him to jump all over my bullshit Billy Bartum. He's wise not to think I'm crippled, but it did make him hesitate! What a mistake, to call a crippled boy lame...
Gdog: Yeah, and I thought YOU were anal.
Discord: I am anal.
Gdog: That’s what I thought.
Discord: I'm eating Junior Mints.
Gdog: I’m eating Junior Seau.
Discord: I knew you were going to say that.
Gdog: Moby Dick is hyphenated? Yeah, hyphenated like cock-sucker.
Discord: Yeah. That's why I hyphenated Billy Budd. It's funnier that way.
Gdog: I don't think words should ever end in an 'f'. It is not an attractive letter.
Discord: Such as staff?
Gdog: Yeah, it should be staph. Off should be oph. Half should be halph. Whiff should be whiph. What else?
Discord: Of should be ov.
Gdog: Werd.
Discord: I'm all for getting rid of letters. Do we really need the q?
Gdog: Not really. It could be replaced by 'kw', but is kween more attractive that queen? I'm not sure.
Discord: Kwim? or Quim...Who knows...
Gdog: Kwim looks like some kind of Korean food.
Discord: I thought it was a Korean food.
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