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ML, as a female I can testify that I don't give a rat's ass about numbers 1-4. Whoever this mindless frat-girl is who gave you those must-haves, ignore her. She probably masturbates to The Rules. Email her an ASCII picture of a dildo.
#5 is really important to me, though, so I'd start trying to at least loosen up and enjoy a good laugh. You don't have to memorize a joke book, but you do have to stop taking yourself too seriously.
I'd date an ugly, puny man with no car and no cash -- they're often called by another name: musicians. In fact, I *have* dated guys like that. They're no worse than the weightlifting, fur-bearing, Trans-Am-driving, big-dicked, wealthy guys, and I have also dated these types too. If their heads are too fucked up to be able to treat me like a human being it doesn't matter how much money they have. If they're decent it's not because of their muscles, car, penis, or cash.
Oh, one more thing about musicians -- they can be very good with their fingers (see #5). Read about how to DO good sex instead of looking at stroke books and when you do get laid your partner is likely to come back for seconds. (P.S. - You can still jerk off to the lessons) One of the best lovers I ever had had one of the smallest penises I ever encountered.
-- totally a feminist, totally not giving a damn about whether my partner would look good on the cover of People or Forbes.
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