Because we here at Mr. Cranky believe that great reporters are born, not made, we've gone to the highest authority in the Universe for His take on this issue and opinion on "The Thomas Crown Affair." God was nice enough to give Mr. Cranky a few moments out of His busy schedule to provide His perspective on sin, cinema, and the divine plan as revealed via Russo's bare breasts.

Mr. Cranky: "God, what is your reaction to Rene Russo's assertion that she received your permission to perform nude scenes in her new movie?"

God: "First, Mr. Cranky, I'd like to thank you for asking me this. I never get asked these kinds of questions. People always want to know why their grandmother died or how come the mudslide wiped out the poor little village in Peru, but rarely do they query me about the assertions of some two-bit actress who claims I sanctioned her desire to flash her tits in front of the whole world. I will say this though, if you switched Rene's brain with the brain of a chimp, you would not be doing the chimp a favor."

Mr. Cranky: "I'm sure that's true. Why did my grandmother die, by the way?"

God: "Look, it's not like all these messages get to me right away. Things are routed up here and prioritized. I don't exactly rank the 'can I show my titties' question up there with the four-year-old Somalian boy who wants to know if he'll die from starvation. I'm not saying I didn't get to it, but by the time I answered, Rene was already in line at the bank waiting to cash her check from MGM."

Mr. Cranky: "Could you tell us what you thought of the movie?"

God: "Sure. I think all anybody needs to know is that it's a remake. I can't stand remakes. What was wrong with the first one? I've tried to get this point across in numerous ways. 'Beverly Hillbillies' was one of my big signals. Since Disney is responsible for a whole load of these things I tried blowing up Michael Eisner's cat one day, but he just chalked it up to 'spontaneous combustion' and kept on chugging along. It's sad when you can't get the 'divine intervention' thing through to the very people who need to hear it."

Mr. Cranky: "That aside, what did you think?"

God: "There's a lot of sin in this film. First of all, it's about a billionaire, Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan), who's also a robber. Stealing is a sin. Then Catherine Banning (Rene Russo), the woman hired by the insurance agency to track him down after he steals a hundred million dollar painting, ends up sleeping with him, but neither of them is married. This is a sin also. Rene might attend church regularly, but I can tell you with some authority that she's going straight to hell for portraying pre-marital sex. I also didn't care for the obnoxious Pepsi One and Lucent advertisements."

Mr. Cranky: "What did you think of the direction then?"

God: "I like John McTiernan. I'm sort of a closet 'Die Hard' fan. Really enjoyed it right up until the end when that guy is dead and hanging on that hook and then suddenly he comes back to life in time for Bruce Willis to shoot him a few more times. Guys coming back from the dead; that kind of crap just doesn't happen."

Mr. Cranky: "God, I'd like to thank you for your time."

God: "My pleasure, Mr. Cranky."