The Tigger Movie

Bomb Rating: 

The whole thing plays out like the cheap seats at a NASCAR race.

Parents and children alike should be incredibly suspicious of Winnie the Pooh. After all, this is a character who exists in a world of make believe and doesn't wear any pants. Why is this? Does he have three nipples but no penis? It's pretty obvious that Winnie the Pooh is some kind of profound sexual deviant.

Fortunately, this film isn't as much about Pooh as it is about his friend, that cocksucker Tigger. Tigger appears to be on drugs, because he bounces all over the Hundred Acre Wood like a Superball shot from a bazooka. He also has these rather offensive phrases like "TTFN," which he says stands for "tah tah for now," but sounds an awful lot like "titty fuckin'" when he says it quickly. As if this weren't enough, Tigger attempts to murder Eeyore. He accidentally rolls a big rock onto Eeyore's house, and the fat fucking donkey just barely escapes. The whole thing plays out like the cheap seats at a NASCAR race.

This near-murder compels Tigger to search for his family, which in turn compels Pooh, Piglet, Roo and Owl to deceive Tigger by writing him a letter that sounds like it's from others in the Tigger clan. Some fucking friends. They should have just shoved a goddamn skewer through Tigger's puckered bouncy butthole and barbecued him until he was extra crispy. That motherfucking Pooh is always complaining that he's hungry and his bitch Piglet is always sniveling about being cold, so it would have served a dual purpose.

To some degree, I actually sympathize with Tigger. How he stands living with these mentally challenged animals is anybody's guess. Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore form sentences slower than George W. Bush before his morning eight-ball. And that little kiss-ass, Roo, won't stop following Tigger around. Tigger should have punted his punk ass into a wall. When Pooh's owner, Christopher Robin, finally sobers up enough to stagger in at the end, we realize just where all this crap has emanated from -- the mind of a thin, androgynous, prissily-dressed English boy. Well, no wonder.

To spread the word about this The Tigger Movie review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
5 Comments

Like This The Tigger Movie Review? Vote it Up.

17

Rate This Movie:

Average: 4.1 (14 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Let there be no doubt that the entire Winnie-the-Pooh franchise is little more than a covert psychosexual universe dominated by perverse creatures each representing some form of acute sexual dysfuncti

  • Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

    Mr.

  • Warning: major spoilers.

"What 100 Acre Wood Character Are You?"

MadNessMonster's picture

God, they've got one of those polls for every damn thing.  And each of them is advertised by a drawing done by someone who watched one episode of the show.  After a severe head injury.  Which happened while they were experimenting with mind-altering substances.

(Yeah, yeah, I'm no DaVinci myself but I know enough not to make Pooh look more retarded than he actually is.)

They won't let me into the Hundred Acre Wood

RidingFool's picture

because I don't wear pants. They might let Rajah in though, even if he is wearing clown makeup. Perhaps he's a member of ICP.

THis moview would really

Steve Carras's picture

THis moview would really have been far better than PAUL WINCHELL been allowed to voice tigger [comparision--Judy Jetson in JETSONS the MOVIE and HER original voice being replaced by TIFFANY.)

cheapugg's picture
This comment has been buried by the community and has therefore been hidden.

cheapugg's picture
This comment has been buried by the community and has therefore been hidden.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.