'Til There Was You

Bomb Rating: 

7:15, 7:30, 7:45, 8:00, 8:10, 8:30.

Think those are the start times for the evening shows at your local six-plex? Guess again. They're the times I looked at my watch during this wretched romantic comedy just to make sure time hadn't actually stopped altogether.

Movies like "'Til There Was You" are the kind of entertainment that makes normal people jealous of those obese people who pop up in the tabloids now and then -- people who weigh 900 pounds and can't move out of bed. Lucky bastards. If I were 900 pounds and couldn't move out of my bed, there'd be no way I'd ever end up at the theater watching this piece of crap.

How ironic that only an overweight invalid would be isolated and desocialized enough to appreciate such a stupid story: Gwen (Jeanne Tripplehorn) and Nick (Dylan McDermott) are perfect for each other, but they never meet. To be honest, they actually do meet, but 99% of the movie revolves around those thrilling times that they don't meet. Consequently, there are two separate protagonists involved in two separate stories for the majority of the film. For all the sense this made, the filmmakers could have just run "When Harry Met Sally" on one half of the screen and "Sleepless in Seattle" on the other.

For a romantic comedy, this movie has all the charm of a burning school bus. Director Scott Winant (in -- surprise! -- his feature directorial debut) comes off more like a sleepwalker with a running camera than a competent film director. Audiences will wait and wait and wait (and wait) for the main characters to do something -- anything -- mildly interesting, only to leave the theater in complete disgust. At least they could have kissed at the end or run into each other's arms. God, what more can you say about a film that actually makes you pine for insipid cinematic clich├ęs?

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