If you haven't seen this movie, then you probably shouldn't read this review, because there really isn't any way to talk about how bad the film is without talking about what happens at the end.
What happens at the end is that down-and-out driving range golf pro Roy McAvoy (Kevin Costner) has done his "Bad News Bears" impression and made it to the last day of the U.S. Open, where he stands in the middle of the fairway on the last hole needing a birdie to win and a par to force a playoff. Throughout the whole film, it's pretty clear that Roy is a walking anus, a real man's man. His manhood is more important than his dignity.
Since director Ron ("Bull Durham") Shelton imagines most losers of the world look like Kevin Costner, it becomes easy to set up these unbelievable sports stories where the loser ends up achieving some kind of career goal while boning the most beautiful woman in the area. In this case, the woman is Dr. Molly Griswold (Rene Russo). Why Dr. Griswold ends up on this little podunk Texas golf range is anybody's guess. The fact that a real-life Dr. Molly would be more likely to impale herself on a rusty golf shaft than sleep with a washed-up driving range pro adds to the confusion. However, since she happens to be the girlfriend of McAvoy's nemesis, David Simms (Don Johnson), Roy has his incentive to enter the Open.
Given that Shelton has all but exhausted his well-worn copy of "10 Trite Sports Film Endings," he opts for what would seem to be both the least conventional and the most stupid conclusion. Failing to heed the advice of his caddy (Cheech Marin) and everybody else, Roy hits six balls into the water, losing the Open -- and who knows how much money -- but conveying the film's message: "Be true to who you are." So who is Roy? Roy is an idiot, and the only thing that would have made this movie satisfying would have been a scene depicting Roy's testicles getting ripped off by a range picker, thus imparting a different, but far more valuable, theme: "A walking anus shouldn't procreate."
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