Twin Dragons

Bomb Rating: 

I think it's about time we hold the Chinese to a standard similar to our own and stop judging their movies by the "funny foreign people just have a different way about them" barometer. Somebody who walks out of a Jackie Chan film complaining about the humor being stupid and the plot making no sense is usually rebuffed with an explanation about how they "just don't appreciate Jackie Chan."

My ass, I don't understand Jackie Chan. Judging by this film, he's just some moron who smiles a lot. Nobody on this planet gave Jean-Claude Van Damme a break for making "Double Impact," so I don't know why Jackie Chan should get some special dispensation for this horrible film.

Here's my simple advice to Jackie Chan: Kick somebody's ass, for God's sake, and do it often. Maybe start with whoever wrote this clunker: In "Twin Dragons," Jackie plays twins separated at birth. One grows up to be a world-renowned concert pianist (who for some unknown reason is shown holding a violin on the movie poster) named John Ma. The other is a garage attendant named Boomer who knows how to take care of himself. As is so often the case with twin reunification these days, they cross paths and have to work together to keep hordes of bad guys from killing innocents.

This is one of those movies where every time the twins bump into one another, the film comes up with some idiotic explanation as to why they don't stop and go "Holy Jesus, you look just like me! You must be my long lost twin!" One time they actually think they're looking in a mirror and most of the other times they brush it off to hallucinations. The scenes where they're supposed to be standing next to each other resemble some horrible nuclear accident because one of them is always glowing around the edges. Twins or not, just keep this in mind before deciding whether to shell out seven bucks to see this flick: Jackie Chan plays at least one character who doesn't know how to fight. Hey, it's your money.

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