Ultraviolet

Bomb Rating: 

Take the scripts from every Matrix-like film since "The Matrix," unbind them, toss them up in the air, and then pick up the pieces, and you'd likely have a plot very much like the one in "Ultraviolet."

Milla Jovovich's career basically consists of her appearing in some kind of semi-nude state and either speaking some kind of gibberish or barely speaking at all. Now, due to the "success" of the "Resident Evil" movies, she's apparently the first "actress" directors turn to if they need some kind of slow-talking, semi-nude woman to slaughter some folks.

Unfortunately, "Ultraviolet" is one of those PG-13 rated crapfests where Milla's outfit doesn't reveal anything and the violence is so cartoony and ridiculous that a playground full of preschoolers has more tense aggression. Come to think of it, a playground full of preschoolers also might have produced a better script.

"Ultraviolet" is based on a comic book I've never heard of, though that in no way affected my dislike for the movie. What throws my blood pressure toward the sky is the fact that director Kurt Wimmer previously helmed "Equilibrium," a film of considerably more value, and seems to have taken some of the martial arts from that film and combined them with an inept story, apparently deciding that the martial arts are more important than the story. Such gambles are indeed sad.

Take the scripts from every Matrix-like film since "The Matrix," unbind them, toss them up in the air, and then pick up the pieces, and you'd likely have a plot very much like the one in "Ultraviolet." That plot consists of a battle between humanity and subhumans called Hemophages, who are like vampires. That this film so closely resembles "Aeon Flux" is not a good thing. Honestly, I don't really know which film I'd say is worse, but I'm truly concerned that if I think about that particular question for too long, my brain might explode.

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