Underworld

Bomb Rating: 

If ripping off "The Matrix," stealing the color palette from the morgue, and scoring a film so loudly that ear plugs are handed out at the entrance constitutes style, director Len Wiseman earns big points.

Thank God Harry Potter never fell through platform eight and three-quarters instead of nine and three-quarters. While everyone knows that the latter results in a trip on the Hogwarts Express, apparently the former drops one right into the middle of a decades-old slap-fight between werewolves (otherwise known as Lycans) and vampires.

Early in the story, elegant Lycan killer Selene (Kate Beckinsale) is outraged when the Lycan hordes launch an attack in a subway station "right in front of the humans," suggesting that in addition to invisible wizards, there are myriad age-old mythical battles occurring right behind the backs of us lowly humans. Apparently, we need to turn around more. Personally, I'm confident that Patriot Act II will flush these things out into the open.

Selene discovers that the Lycans are after a human named Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman) and dares to find out why. The answer involves bloodlines and ancient grudges that play out like a second grade race relations assignment. Be warned that this may cause a bit of culture shock, since the last time anyone saw Speedman, he was grating nerves on "Felicity."

If ripping off "The Matrix," stealing the color palette from the morgue, and scoring a film so loudly that ear plugs are handed out at the entrance constitutes style, director Len Wiseman earns big points. Remember, the point of such films isn't to care about who wins or loses, it's simply to endure the pain.

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