Underworld:Evolution

Bomb Rating: 

This whole "hot chicks in skimpy or skin-tight outfits beating the crap out of things" genre is getting kind of old. Whether it's Lara Croft or Aeon Flux or Alice from "Resident Evil," it all seems the same.

In "Underwear: Evolution," the half-Lycan, half-Vampire Michael Corvin (ScottSpeedman) discovers boxers to be an improvement over briefs because they're elastic enough to withstand even the roughest of changes from mild-mannered boy to wild Lycanpire. Undoubtedly, they also allow him maximum "freedom of expression" while staring at Selene's (Kate Beckinsale) ass.

Meanwhile, Selene discovers the joys of going commando in "Underwear: Evolution" as she clearly isn't wearing any lest her skintight leather crime-fighting outfit would show lines. This is confirmed when Michael unzips her suit and she's clearly wearing no undies. Everything is revealed in "Underwear: Evolution."

In this film, we learn a lot about origins. It turns out that Corvinus (Derek Jacobi) had two sons long ago: Marcus (Tony Curran) and William. Marcus was a vampire and William got turned into a Lycan. Now, thousands of years later, Marcus is back and trying to free William from a supposedly eternal cage. Naturally, William's freedom will mean the end of all civilization. Or something like that.

It turns out that Selene is the only one who knows where William's cage is located. Michael follows her around because she wears no underwear, whereas he's required to wear underwear (and clean underwear at that) because he's always turning into the Lycanpire and shedding his clothing. Fortunately, he never seems to lose his bottoms during these transformations, which seems awfully convenient.

I don't know if another "Underwear" film was really necessary, but apparently the filmmakers and director Len Wiseman thought so. This whole "hot chicks in skimpy or skin-tight outfits beating the crap out of things" genre is getting kind of old. Whether it's Lara Croft or Aeon Flux or Alice from "Resident Evil," it all seems the same. No wonder that this film was preceded by a trailer for "Ultraviolet." It's all, like this film, just more of the same crap.

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