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I know there's one or two out there somewhere, because they've talked to me before. Anyway, I have a poem I'd like some opinions on. Ok, a few. But I'll just share one right now. I wrote two versions of this poem, and I want to know which one people like better.
The binding's coming loose.
Everything's
Unraveling.
The pages are slipping out,
The cover's falling off.
And I don't know what to do,
But sit, and watch.
The words are being lost,
The story's getting scrambled,
Because the binding's coming loose.
There's nothing to hold it together,
Nothing to keep it whole,
And nothing I can do,
But sit, and watch.
My world is falling to pieces.
No anchors, no handholds, no ties.
The binding's coming loose,
And I just sit, and watch.
and here is version number two:
The binding comes loose
Everything
Unravels.
The pages slip out
The cover falls off
And I don't know what to do
But sit, and watch.
The words are lost
The story's scrambled
Because the
Binding comes loose.
There's nothing to keep together
Nothing to keep whole
And nothing I can do,
But sit, and watch.
My world will fall to pieces with
No anchors, no handholds, no ties.
The binding comes loose
And I just sit, and watch.
Sorry if there are any formatting errors, but you're smart people. You can figure it out. Specifically, I'd like opinions on gerunds (gerungs?) vs. no gerunds. Those are words that end in -ing, in case you were wondering.
Oh, and I lied. I'm going to share this brilliant poem, which was written by some anonymous soul in my high school.
the title is "Trite"
trite
trite
trite
trite
trite
trite
trite
trite
And I shall leave you with that thought.
Hazel :-) ;-) :-)
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