A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

Bomb Rating: 

I wonder who will be the first in the "Harold and Kumar" franchise to bite the dust before they stop churning out lamentable carbon copies of gags that were vaguely amusing the first time and indescribably torturous after the 93rd re-telling.

Remember how easily something goes from "cool" to "drool" the instant that you catch your parents trying to do it? Think about windsurfing, facial piercings or ironic sweaters. Now think about "A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas," because it's exactly like all three of those things.

If there's one thing that the "Beverly Hills Cop" franchise proved, it's that you can never get tired of hearing, seeing or laughing at the same jokes over and over and over and over and over until Tackleberry dies far too young. I wonder who will be the first in the "Harold and Kumar" franchise to bite the dust before they stop churning out lamentable carbon copies of gags that were vaguely amusing the first time and indescribably torturous after the 93rd re-telling. Will it be John Cho, simultaneously killing the reborn "Star Trek" series of features? Will it be Kal Penn, bringing disgrace to the Obama White House? Or will it be Doogie Houser, proving that no matter how young they make you a doctor, you can't cheat the Grim Reaper?

"A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas" trots out many reliable comedy chestnuts for our approval:

1 - Smoking weed is always very, very funny (unless you aren't smoking weed too).

2 - Interracial marriages never work.

3 - Stunt casting is alive and well in the 21st century (Danny Trejo as the world's toughest dad? Latino butts in the theatre seats? SIGN ME UP!)

Let's get back to the fact that this is actually a Christmas movie. Unless your holiday film stars Jimmy Stewart, Madonna or Billy Bob Thornton, your Xmas movie sucks. These flicks are churned out exclusively to provide family-friendly fare to keep the tots busy during the holidays so that mom and dad can catch a little Z-time in between avoiding their own parents and trips to the mall to return the bread-maker that the cat got trapped inside of. Weed, Latino Heat and Danny Trejo's face are definitely not warm and fuzzy, and all of the fake snow and glittering tinsel in the world aren't going to change that - no matter how many times you shoot Santa in the head. (Yes, that actually happens. Mostly off-screen. But the surgery to bring him back from the dead? Oh yeah, right there in glorious 3D).

I guess my point is, the era for quality madcap movies based on the flimsiest of premises has come and gone. There will never be another "Porky's," another "Look Who's Talking," or another "A League Of Their Own." There will, however, be at least three more "Harold and Kumar" flicks, which is why I weep for the children.

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