A Very Brady Sequel

Bomb Rating: 

Most film openings are accompanied by promotions that feature some sort of "giveaway" trinket. For some films it's buttons, for others it's stickers; some hand out posters. What this film needed was the Brady cyanide tablet.

You know there's going to be trouble when you show up to a sneak preview attended by only ten other people, and five of them are chained together. I blame society for allowing this kind of hideous film to happen and one day I plan to take my vengeance. First, I'm going to find Ted Danson and kick his ass for not beaning Shelly Long with a shot glass during "Cheers" and eliminating that particular Hollywood plague at the source. The fact that the film studios haven't figured out yet that Shelly Long shouldn't be allowed in any more motion pictures is reason enough to hope for a massive earthquake that sends Hollywood to the bottom of the ocean floor.

The first five minutes of "A Very Brady Sequel" will make you wish a whole fleet of screaming Ebola-infected infants had tumbled into the theater at the last minute and ended up in the row behind yours. The next five will make you long for the welcome distraction of total global apocalypse.

The movie's only story line has to do with Tim Matheson showing up and claiming to be Carol Brady's long lost husband because he wants to get his hands on a valuable artifact that resides in the Brady household. Beyond that, the movie consists of nothing but cringingly bad gags about how Jan bobs her hair, how Marsha combs hers and how Alice talks about being "slipped a tube steak" by the butcher. How I wish I could be slipping a tube steak myself -- if only it could pierce the heart of every Brady Bunch fan on the planet and end my suffering forever.

To spread the word about this A Very Brady Sequel review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
1 Comment

Like This A Very Brady Sequel Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Average: 1 (2 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • For me, "Zoolander" falls into that large class of films that always seem like they should be much funnier than they prove to be.

  • There oughta be a law. It's time for the federal government to step in and declare it a felony to produce children's movies that are more than ninetyminutes long.

  • What kind of events lead a young boy to become a killer? Here's one for sure: he's fallen in love with the town's most exotic and beautiful woman.


crrrrrrrtrtrtrtrtrtrtototoao's picture

Stop posting disgusting things, my 7 year old children are watching and I don't want them to grow up un-skober. Thank you for your time.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.