Virus

Bomb Rating: 

I could swallow a piece of paper and a pencil and launch a more original script out of my ass.

Beware the evil Space Lightning! What kind of Stupid Pill did the people at Universal ingest to convince them that yet another "people chased by mysterious monster in confined space" film would be fruitful? How many more times does Hollywood have to remake "Alien"? I could swallow a piece of paper and a pencil and launch a more original script out of my ass.

There's no sense in repeating too much of the story, so let's just say a bunch of people from one boat go onto another boat only to discover that the evil Space Lightning has turned the crew into highly marketable half-Alien, half-Terminator things. Their old boat sinks, and the cast is forced to discover a way to kill the evil Space Lightning. It only takes this MENSA convention 90 minutes to figure out that a) lighting is made of "electricity," and b) they're in the middle of a lot of fucking water.

Among those who are pleasantly surprised to discover that water and electricity don't mix are Jamie Lee Curtis, William Baldwin and Donald Sutherland. They run around the ship oblivious to blood and little machines prancing about, and when things get hairy, director John Bruno shakes the camera so we can't see any of it.

Are we really supposed to be afraid of this highly advanced life form which, having the opportunity to land anywhere on Earth, picks the one place where it's surrounded by the means to its own end? It's as if Hitler came back from the dead and decided to begin his quest for world domination from inside an Israeli prison cell.

To spread the word about this Virus review on Twitter.