11/07/01: I'd rather be dead than cool...

Posted By: Slothrop


and these answers should prove that.

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1.- Did you ever wear jeans that had fashionable holes all over them?

No.

2.- Did you ever wear flannel shirts with hoods on them on top of a T-shirt?

No.

3.- Did you ever shave your head just for the heck of it?

No.

4.- Did you get your nose pierced?

No.

5.- Did you ever own a CD of one of the following: Ace of Base? Vanilla Ice? MC Hammer? Hanson? The Spice Girls? Crash Test Dummies? Alanis Morrissette? Bryan Adamms? Ricky Martin? Ice T? Kris Kross? Billy Ray Cyrus? Snap?

I had one Bryan Adams tape. Still have it.

6.- Did you own the soundtrack of one of the following: "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"? "The Bodyguard"? "Tresspass"? "Singles"? "Reality Bites"? "Last Action Hero"? "Natural Born Killers"? "The Crow"? "Pulp Fiction"? "Poetic Justice"? "Clueless"? "Titanic"? "Spawn"? "The Simpsons Sing the Blues"?

I have both "The Crow" and "Natural Born Killers" soundtracks. I still listen to them. I want to get the "Spawn" soundtrack for the Marilyn Manson song on it.

7.- Did you ever own a copy of one of the following books: Madonna's "Sex"? "The Celestine Prophecy"? The transcript of Bill Clinton's sex scandal interrogation? A generic John Grisham book published after "The Firm" was a big-screen hit?

No.

8.- Which of the following did you see more than once at the theatre: "Home Alone", "Terminator 2: Judgment Day", "Jurassic Park", "Forrest Gump", "The Lion King", "Independence Day", "Titanic", "Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace"?

I think I may have seen Terminator 2 twice in the theater. But I've NEVER seen Jurassic Park so that should count for something.

9.- Scandal you paid the most attention to: The Menendez Brothers, Tonya Harding, OJ Simpson, David Koresh, the Fillipino Hermafrodite who turned out being just a guy, the Heaven's Gate cult, Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky, Richard Gere & the Gerbil?

I honestly didn't pay any attention to any of them.

10.- Admit it: the very first thing you looked up on the internet was...

The Virginia Tech homepage which was the first place I ever had the Internet.

11.- Admit it: at one point, even for a very brief nanosecond, you thought that Axl Rose (or Slash) was the coolest guy on Earth.

I still have an Axl Rose poster and I still think he's pretty awesome. I have a videotape on Guns and Roses live at the Roxy before they were big.

12: Which hit show did you watch on a regular, almost religious basis: "Roseanne", "Seinfeld", "The Simpsons", "Beavis and Butthead", "The X- Files", "Friends", "South Park"?

None. I've never seen a whole episode of Seinfeld, Friends or Roseanne.

13: Did you ever dye your hair a very bright color?

No.

14: Did you ever do Ecstacy?

No.

15: Admit it: at one point you watched "The Pamela and Tommy Lee Sex Tape" and/or Madonna's "Body of Evidence".

Madonna's "Body of Evidence"

16: Did you ever wear baggy sweatpants and flashy-colored jackets, thinking you looked just like a hip-hopper on Mtv, or at least like Kid n' Play?

No.

17: Did you at any point do the whole "Hip-Hop Hooray" wave thing, or the Arsenio Hall "whoop-whoop-whoop" thing?

Yes, to both. You're right though, this was one of my mistakes.

18: Did you ever wear 70s-style clothes?

No.

19: Did you ever say "DISCO IS BACK!"?

No.

20: Did you ever line dance or do the Macarena?

The Macarena at my girlfriend's sister's wedding. But I got great sex after the reception so it was a fair deal.

21: Did you ever have a bumper sticker that read: "We Support Our Troops in the Gulf War" or "Buy American"?

No.

22: "Read my lips: No New Taxes" or "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"?

Read my lips, at least Bush didn't know he was lying at the time.

23: Did you like techno-pop? Did anyone?

No.

24: Were you, in any manner, ever "alternative"?

No.

25: More annoying '90s spawn: Furby or Tickle Me Elmo?

Tickle Me Elmo. I don't remember Furby saying anything.

26: Diablo (the PC [or PSX] game): All that it's cracked up to be?

Never played either one.

27: When the hell did dressing in all black, dyeing hair black, getting 47 different piercings, wearing black makeup, and hanging out in graveyards become so goddamn popular?

I have no idea.

28: Wasn't NIN fun while it lasted?

Yes. Still are.

29: Was Grunge the best thing that ever happened to music?

Yes.

30. Was rap better before, during, or after the 90s, or is the world a better place without it?

The only rap I listen to is N.W.A., Tupac, DMX, Ice Cube and Eminem. That spans the start until now. I think they're all on par although Tupac was definitely the best.


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