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The Good: Uh, since "Nurse Betty" doesn't count . . . Chicken Run Gladiator X-Men (in that order)
The Decent:
Road Trip (I love you, Amy Smart. And your boobies.)
Titan A.E. (So much potential, so many problems.)
A little bit of "Me, Myself and Irene"
The last half of "Perfect Storm"
The Bad:
Every other motherfucking movie that was released. Saw 'em
all (except for Pokemon, "The Kid", and that one with the
strange talking train), hated 'em all. Don't have time to
list all my disappointments, but I'll bitch about a few of
them:
--Gone in 60 Seconds. The worst movie I saw this year (and yes, that includes "Battlefield Earth"). Who was the fucking rocket scientist who greenlighted a two-hour car chase movie that only had ONE GODDAMN CAR CHASE!!! And if Nic Cage gets any more spastic and over-the-top, I'm gonna club him to death with his undeserved Oscar. Hey, Nic, "quirky" isn't always the best acting strategy for every single movie you do, okay?
--The Patriot. Seeeeeeeelllll oooouuuuuttttt! You don't make a movie about how war is hell, how war destroys lives and rips families apart, and then turn around in the last half hour and turn your main character into a flag-waving cartoon who just loves to fight for the ol' red, white and blue. You just can't do that. There's a little thing called "character development", Emmerich. You should try it some time.
--Dinosaur. Talking. Monkeys. I'll repeat that, just in case you weren't paying attention. Talking. Monkeys. No film--and I mean NO FILM--needs talking monkeys. Ever. This was the movie I was most looking forwards to, and I got kicked out of the theater for cursing loudly at the screen. Had to sneak back in the next day, and I didn't like it any better then.
--Mission to Mars. Bwahahahahahahaa! I almost love this movie, just because I saw it dead drunk and me and my buddies "Mystery Science Theater 3000"'d it to death. When I sobered up, I realized how much I hated it.
Shit, this post has gotten out of control. There's plenty more barrels of hate that I could send your way, but I'm tired of typing. Back to porn.
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