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.. okay, what's everyone's opinions on the idea that our lives are preordained?
Up until fairly recently, i was a subscriber to the mantra that was best stated in "Terminator 2: Judgement Day", that being "No fate but what we make".. I used to laugh at the idea that we have no control over our fates..
Lately, however, events have been occuring that have my faith in the fact that I am in control of the direction of my life in doubt..
Ever since my early years of high school, i've dreamend of days in my future that would become key points in my life, but normally, what i dreamed were fragments of these key days in my life that really had nothing to do with said-key event..
For instance, i had a dream about the day that i would meet the girl who would be my first love, however, i didn't actually dream ABOUT her, instead, i dreamt about an apparently unimportant 5 minute period, during that day, that i was performing an experiment in a science class.. (Hope that makes sense of what i mean by dreaming of unimportant fragments of days that are key to my life)
Well, okay, we'll switch topics for a second (sort of)..
Okay, i have been having re-occuring dreams about a redheaded girl for at least the past 6 years (It was probably longer then that, but 6 years ago was when i conciously became aware that this girl WAS indeed showing up in my dreams on a regular basis)..
I really didn't recognize the girl from my everyday life, although i did learn that her name was Meghan.. At the time that the dreams first started, i had known ANOTHER girl who was named Meghan, and although the girl in my dreams did not resemble the Meghan in reality, i had always just assumed that this was some form of subconcious connection to the Meghan i knew.. ( i admit, i had a semi-crush on her, at the time)
Yesterday, i found out that i was wrong..
As i think back on the day, now, i get the strangest sense of deja vu.. Everything, EVERYTHING about yesterday, as it was occuring, struck me as being familiar..
For instance, when i went out for lunch at one of the local restaurants near the campus of my university, i KNEW that i wouldn't be able to order my usual chocolate milkshake because the milkshake machine was broken..
Whilst i was watching my tape of the previous-evenings WWF RAW, i recognized (at a point during the Chris Jericho-Triple H bout) that i had dreamt about it at some point..
(At this point i'm probably sounding strange :)
We'll just leave it at this: All day, i was being struck with deja vu..
THEN my 7 pm Greek Mythology class came about, and one of the strangest events of my LIFE..
Okay, SO at about 10 to 7, i waltzed into the class.. This was the first evening of it, so i arrived a bit early..
I took a seat at a desk that was to the immediate left of the room..
I sat down, and began pulling my books from my bookbag.. This was a 3 hour class, so i was gearing up for a long night, and then i made the mistake (depending on how you look at it) of looking across the room..
Sitting directly across from me (the desks were arranged in a semi-circle and were all facing the center of the room) was the redhead from my dreams...
I have to admit, i was REALLY thrown off by this..
The funny thing is, she seemed to be looking at me in EXACTLY the same way..
That sort of "Damn, i know you.. I know who you are" kind of look.. It was pretty unsettling (as it probably was for her, as well!), but at the same time, it was comforting..
When the teacher arrived, he asked for the class to do a little 'ice-breaker', by introducing ourselves, stating our first names, our majors and why we were interested in the course..
When it came to be HER turn, well, i already knew what she was going to say..
Sure enough, her name was Meghan, she was a classical major, and she was interested in the course because she had enjoyed Greek Mythology for as long as she could remember..
I KNEW it all.. And i could tell, when it came to my turn at introducing myself, that she knew who i was and what i was going to say, as well..Just by the way that she was looking at me.. It was like her eyes were seeing THRU me.. You could almost hear her saying " I know you.. I know all about you.. I've dreamed you.."
It was so odd..
I spent the bulk of the rest of those 3 hours staring across the room, into Her eyes, and there she was, staring right back.. Every so often, i'd flash a nervous smile, and i'd get one in return..
After class, she disappeared pretty quickly, (She was probably as shaken as i was), and so i didn't get a chance to actually talk to her.. (Not sure what i would've said even if i had had the chance.. "Uh, hi, i've dreamed about you.. Wanna go out for a burger?" :)..
Last night, i got NO sleep at all.. I just moped around the house, at times getting extremely excited.. At times getting extremely nervous, and ALWAYS asking the question : "What does this mean?"
Why the heck would 2 people dream about one another before ever having met?
Is it 'Fate' for us to meet?
What happens if i ignore this? What if i choose to just NOT approach the girl at all.. Will i be able to ignore her? Or will something happen that will force us together?
If i refuse to develop a relationship with her, am i messing up my destiny?
See, this has got me really confused.. I guess i'm starting to believe that, these dreams i've been having all my life are kind of like a connect-the-dots picture.. The dots, if followed correctly, will paint the best life possible for me, know what i mean?
Is there anyway for me to avoid this girl? Or has my life been completely planned from day 1 and i just managed to sneak a peek at God's answer sheet thru my dreams?
I'm really debating over whether i should try talking to her in the next class, or no.. Should i hold off on talking to her? Would it be 'too much' for her if i plopped myself down into the seat next to her and admitted that i had been dreaming about her for 6 years? :)
I mean, how the heck do you start a conversation with a girl that, up to this point, was a figment of my subconcious? Should i tap into this stream of 'deja vu' that i seem to have with her, and mention something that i know about her?
Gosh, this is SO WEIRD..
As anyone else ever had any kind of experience like this?
Or am i just nuts? :)
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