The Waterboy

Bomb Rating: 

There's a point where (Henry) Winkler pulls down his pants to show Bobby a Roy Orbison tattoo and director Frank Coraci is forced to use a butt-double of a realistically sized ass because, as we all know, you can spray-paint Winston Churchill's Iron Curtain speech across Winkler's ass in one continuous line and still have space for punctuation.

It takes this film about fifteen minutes to use up all its jokes. Then,if you have an IQ above 100, you get to sit there and be annoyed while all of Adam Sandler's fans laugh at the same thing over and over and over again until soda spurts out of their nose onto the back of your neck. Here's all that the movie consists of:

1. 31-year-old Louisiana numskull waterboy Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler) getting abused by something or someone.
2. 31-year-old Louisiana numskull waterboy Bobby Boucher in a football uniform tackling the crap out of somebody.
3. Somebody's head being superimposed over somebody else's head so that Bobby can work up the motivation to tackle.
4. Adam Sandler saying something stupid or making a stupid-looking face.
5. His momma (Kathy Bates) calling football "foosball."

As I said, fifteen minutes into the movie and every one of these things has already happened. Bobby get abused by Red Beaulieu's (Jerry Reed) football team and is fired from his waterboy job. He goes to work for Coach Klein (Henry Winkler) and displays his tackling ability. Coach Klein puts him on the team and Bobby leads the pathetic team to a showdown with Red Beaulieu's team and, with Bad News Bears originality, wins.

Speaking of pathetic, how painful is it for anyone who grew up in the 1970s to look at Henry Winkler? There's a point where Winkler pulls down his pants to show Bobby a Roy Orbison tattoo and director Frank Coraci is forced to use a butt-double of a realistically sized ass because, as we all know, you can spray-paint Winston Churchill's Iron Curtain speech across Winkler's ass in one continuous line and still have space for punctuation. Combine that with a personality that would incite an ass-kicking from Fred Rogers and seeing Winkler do anything is more torture than any child of the '70s should be forced to tolerate.

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