What Lies Beneath

Bomb Rating: 

I have the same reaction to watching Michelle Pfeiffer's movies as I do to eating veal. You know that it's going to taste good if you indulge yourself, but you get this picture in your head of something being starved to death to improve its appeal and suddenly it doesn't seem like such a good thing anymore.

The trailers to "What Lies Beneath" make it look like "The Sixth Sense" without the annoying kid. I don't like to be tricked. I don't like to go to a restaurant, order soup, and then be served boar's head on a stick. Frankly, it takes me a long time to prepare myself to sit down in a movie theater and wallow through a couple hours of otherworldly hocus-pocus. Granted, many people are so fascinated with ghosts that every filmmaker in the universe has to figure a way to involve apparitions in the plot -- but it should be noted that those people are idiots. If people suddenly started to wipe their asses on the backs of brichons fris├ęs, would that be the next big trend in film? One can only hope.

What director Robert Zemeckis doesn't quite understand is that the visualization of the ghost is not necessary to the development of the story. Claire Spencer (Pfeiffer) sees a ghost in the house. Naturally, her husband, Dr. Norman Spencer (Harrison Ford), thinks she's cuckoo. Zemeckis, digital crackhead that he is, takes in a long hit of special effects so that the audience can see the ghost in living color, which automatically forces us to believe Claire. Once she starts making accusations and investigates the ghosts identity, we have no choice but to believe something is up.

This whole setup is antithetical to the development of the film's suspense. What the audience needed was to doubt Claire. That way, the second half of the movie wouldn't have been a foregone conclusion. But because "The Sixth Sense" made it cool to see ghosts, Claire just has to see the ghost. It just goes to show how modern filmmakers value special effects and precious little else.

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  • Idiot-director Steve Beck is another one of those guys who's gone so overboard delivering style over substance that after "13 Ghosts" ends, one is stunned that Beck deigned to show any of the ghosts a

  • David Lewis' (Peter Gallagher) problem is this: His wife, Gillian(Michelle Pfeiffer) died a few years ago in a boating accident and now David makes a habit of walking on the beach and talking to her.

  • Warning: Major, major spoilers.

    This film reminded me of "The Ring" and not in a good way. It's another in a long line of films in which a ghost tries to communicate with the living.

Know a ghost? You can be a TV star!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Paranormal Investigation Series Casting Call

Date: 2009-11-24, 2:24PM

Submissions will be accepted from December 1st 2009 to January 23rd, 2010
“Forensic Association for the study of Ghosts and Spirits”: Shooting dates: February-March, 2010

This is a new series dealing with the investigation of paranormal activity, U.F.O’s, and unexplainable occurrences. The goal of the show is to document and provide evidence proving the existence of paranormal entities and extra terrestrials.
This series has already been picked up for air time through several sponsors.

If you have experienced or are currently experiencing a haunting, visitation, possession, abduction, or some other form of communication by a paranormal entity or an extra terrestrial and would like to tell your story, please submit your contact information along with the details of your experiences.

You must be at least 18 years of age and a United States citizen.
We are looking for 12 individual cases that merit an official investigation by our team of forensic and paranormal experts.


  • Location: South Florida
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: If selected as a member of the final 12 cases, compensation for your time will be appropriated at that time.

Original URL: http://miami.craigslist.org/pbc/crg/1480701994.html

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  Craig's list is consistently funnier than any comic strip today.



RidingFool's picture

Dan, of late from Cincinnati and currently in Miami, should venture forth for a viewing of Paranormal Activity. Personally, I couldn't wait until the boyfriend was soundly trounced.  The best part of that stinker was the ample-bosomed girlfriend, who should have beaten the shit out of him before things really got out of hand.

Film company seeking transgender persons for legit film

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

All you have to do is cut it off to get this movie part.  From Craigslist.org:

Date: 2009-11-23, 4:19PM EST


Reply to:



South Florida film company is currently seeking submission for legit film to be shot in Florida. Transgender male 2 female, and female 2 male. You MUST be transgender, not an actor portraying one. This film will in no way exploit the transgender community. This film is not about transgenders lives. It is a fictional story written by a male 2 female author and actress. Acting experience preferred, but not mandatory. Looking to fill principal roles as well as background extras. This is a low budget project supported by a grant for the transgender artists community. Filming will begin in Feb 2010.


{;-) Dan (playing The Crying Game) in Miami

See the guy/girl that wrote the score to A Clockwork Orange

TMundo's picture

and also the Shining and Tron.  It was Walter and now it's Wendy.

Mr Fool's dream job. No pants required.

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

From the Craigslist.org help wanted section:Male Santa Stripper Wanted

Date: 2009-11-26, 7:28AM

Looking for a male stripper to dress as Santa for a Holiday Party on Sunday - December 13th.

Must be ok with stripping for a male audience, and have a Santa costume.
Interested parties reply to this post, and submit your self pix after your initial reply.

  • Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA

Original URL: http://miami.craigslist.org/brw/evg/1482877991.html

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  What better job for a pants averse Canadian?  He already has the ruddy red cheeks and nose from building his igloo while swigging massive quantities of beer, eh?

Thanks, Dan-o, but...

RidingFool's picture

I'm kinda male-averse when my pants are down, if ya get my drift.

Here's a little something for you, though:

Amaze your friends. Order beer in 47 languages.

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

In Chinese it would be:  Ching gay woh ee bay pee joh

In Yiddish it would be:  A beer, zeit a-zoy goot

In Latin American Spanish it's:  Oo-na ser-veh-sa, por fa-vor

For the other 44 languages please go to:


For some strange reason they don't tell you how to order in Canadian. 

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  At one point in the 1800's Cincinnati was the beer brewing capital of North America.  That was before Prohibition of course.  

In Canukistani, it's

RidingFool's picture

BITCH! Get me another fookin' beer. NOW!


If you're in a bar:

BITCH! Get me another fookin' beer. NOW!

In Welsh. . .

Wally_Pipp's picture

It's spelled "kwrw" and pronounced "koo-roo."

Silly Welsh. . .

Best regards, Wally

Gals! Make money from your head lice!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Not sure if this is for real.  God I love Craigs List.


{;-) Dan in Miami


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